If u have race questions or other "sensitive topics" to discuss w spouse, don't say in front of child until parents discuss and agree. No big deal, but i.e.: "this book says little black girl"... Just tell me later. In the moment if there is something questionable in a book u can always skip it.
In this case it is ok in the book, it is an old book, also there were not and continue not to b many or a majority of books with minorities as main characters, so the book is pointing out as an important feature.
This topic came up on a montessori FB group. A mom said, "my kid said 'there was a brown boy at the playground'. Is this okay....?" Everyone said yes. It was ok kids notice skin colors, everyone does. Doesn't make sense to pretend they r not there. Can use a learning moment: there r ppl w many diff colors of skin, but we r all the same inside, all equal. When child gets older we can say although we r all equal, not all ppl r TREATED equally. Etc. and teach more and more as it becomes age appropriate.
That is why it is good for us to have books w ppl of diff races i.e. Snowy day, etc. and also other religions and cultures (which we don't have actually...) so he becomes exposed at an early age and we can discuss these imp issues
Thursday, June 16, 2016
Thursday, March 3, 2016
Monday, February 1, 2016
Thursday, January 7, 2016
Instead of saying "you're so cute"
Instead of " u r so cute!!"
I love being ur dad/grandpa
You make me smile/happy
I love u
I love playing/talking with u
I love listening to u sing/talk
You did it
You worked hard to fit the puzzle piece in
That's a new idea, tell me more about it
I love being ur dad/grandpa
You make me smile/happy
I love u
I love playing/talking with u
I love listening to u sing/talk
You did it
You worked hard to fit the puzzle piece in
That's a new idea, tell me more about it
Thursday, December 31, 2015
Good Job Alternative Phrases
|
Instead of
Saying
|
Try Saying
|
Child Hears
|
|
“Look at you, you’re such a good girl.
You cleaned up all the paint by yourself.”
|
“You cleaned up the paint all by
yourself! That was a big task. Thank you very much. That
was helpful.”
|
I am helpful. I am capable.
I can tackle big projects and see them through to the end. I am
appreciated.
|
|
“I like it when you clean up the
books.”
|
“You cleaned up the books all by
yourself. Thank you. I appreciate it.”
|
I can make valuable contributions to
our group.
|
|
“Good job!”
|
“You did it! You must be proud of
yourself.”
|
I am capable. I can take pride in
what I do.
|
|
“You drew a beautiful picture.”
|
“You have worked hard. Tell me
about your favorite part.”
|
My opinions are valuable
|
|
“I love your dress (hair, shirt, etc).”
|
“You picked out your clothes today.”
|
I am can make choices.
|
|
“You slept through the night (ate all
your food, etc), what a good baby you are.”
|
“I love you.”
|
I am loved, and it’s not based on my
behavior or biological drives.
|
|
“You have a stinky diaper, let’s change
you.”
|
“You have poop in your diaper, you will
feel better once you have a fresh diaper on.”
|
My body and my biological drives are
o.k. and not something to be judged, but something to be respected.
|
|
"Stop screaming.”
|
“You are screaming. You are
feeling strongly right now. Do you want my help?”
|
My feelings and needs are valid and
important. I can meet my needs and seek help if necessary.
|
|
“Stop crying.”
|
“You are crying. You are feeling
(identify the emotion). Do you want my help?”
|
My emotions are valid and important.
I can regulate my emotions and seek help to soothe myself if I need to.
|
|
“Good boy/girl!”
|
“Thank you for…”
|
My worth does not depend on my behavior
or others opinions of me. I am appreciated when I contribute to “the
team.”
|
|
|
|
|
Wednesday, December 2, 2015
Stop Feeling Threatened By Your Child’s Behavior by Janet Lansbury
http://www.janetlansbury.com/2013/11/stop-feeling-threatened-by-your-childs-behavior/
Stop Feeling Threatened By Your Child’s Behavior
Posted by janet on Nov 27th, 2013
When I consult with parents about their children’s more challenging behaviors, I sometimes offer a visual that I hope will put otherwise volatile situations into perspective. I’ve been reluctant to share this on my blog for fear it might be misinterpreted, but since so many of the parents I hear from continue to struggle with remaining centered and calm when their children push limits and buttons, I decided to risk it and share my descriptor: teddy bear behavior. I know — teddy bears are objects, babies definitely are not. I’ll explain, but first, a bit of context…
Our children are born sentient — as present as you and I — and so our primary job is forging person-to-person relationships with them, relationships that are honest, caring, respectful and unconditionally loving.Yet all children exhibit behaviors that are impulsive and irrational, especially during periods in their development when they need to resist us in order to test their wings (like the toddler and teen years). How are we supposed to respect our small “person” when she can be so disrespectful, hurtful and downright rude?
Some might conclude that young children are nothing more than thoughtless beasts (and that would explain the “taming your toddler” type of advice, which includes distractions, tricks, treats and other manipulative interventions). It’s easy to get personally offended, or fear that we’ve failed our child somehow, that we didn’t teach her appropriate behavior or respect.
Triggered by our anger, frustration, fear, or guilt, we are likely to respond in a manner that unfortunately creates even more challenging behavior. Truly, when children repeatedly test, it is more often than not the direct result of our previous responses. That is why remaining calm and centered matters. A lot.
The easiest and surest way to calm ourselves is perspective, which might mean reminding ourselves that the toddler screaming and swinging at us is a tiny person who has spent only 2 ½ years on this planet. She needs us to tolerate her screams and stop her from hitting, but a response of anger or confusion would be unsettling to her, to say the least.
And so I suggest that parents suffering the slings and arrows of a child’s behavior consider it in the context of something cuddly and benign, like a teddy bear.
Teddy bear behavior includes occasional hitting, kicking, biting, screaming, whining, refusing to follow directions, resistance and rejection, “I hate you” (in all its forms), and grumpy teenagers scrutinizing you under a microscope and criticizing every single thing you say, do and wear. It is age-appropriate and can certainly be annoying, but it is essentially harmless. If we can perceive teddy bear behavior for what it is and respond appropriately (for more on that please read HERE and HERE), it will be temporary and not progress to chronic, dangerous or harmful.
Teddy bear behavior is sparked by:
- A need for the reassurance our gentle leadership provides
- Stress, hunger, exhaustion
- Fear, sadness, anger, frustration, all of which children need us to help them express
- Feeling out of favor, ignored, unloved
- Emotions surrounding transitions: the addition of a sibling, moving to a new home, attending school for the first time, changing schools, changes of any kind
- Developmental phases and milestones
Teddy bear behavior is eased when we:
- Feel unthreatened, breathe, let it rollll off our back, project confidence
- Prevent it whenever possible (by giving children safe “yes” places to explore, for example, rather than free access to markers and white sofas).
- Set limits calmly, clearly, early
- Acknowledge all desires and feelings and encourage children to express them (“You feel like throwing the trucks. I can’t let you. That’s unsafe. Are you upset about Daddy leaving for work? You sometimes miss him when he goes. Over there are some safe toys you can throw.”)
- Discern needs and do our best to meet them
I offer a complete guide to respectful discipline in my book:
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)