Saturday, December 7, 2013

What is the Difference Between a Postpartum Doula & Baby Nurse?

http://prenatalyogacenter.com/blog/what-is-the-difference-between-a-postpartum-doula-a-baby-nurse/ What is the Difference Between a Postpartum Doula & Baby Nurse? When I first announced to my mom that I was pregnant, she was so excited and soon proudly said, “I am going to offer you exactly what my mother offered me after Craig (my brother) was born. A baby nurse!” I graciously said thank you for that generous gift and asked if she would mind if I got a postpartum doula instead. My mom said, “I don’t know what that is, but if that is what you prefer that is fine with me.” Instead of explaining the difference between the two professions, I just thanked her again. Questions regarding the differences between a postpartum doula and a baby nurse- now being called “Newborn Care Specialist”- arise quite often. Here is a run down of the two types of postpartum care so that you can decide what is best for you and your family. Postpartum Doula A person who provides support for the mother and the rest of the family. A big part of the doula’s job is to “mother the mother” and help the new mother recover after birth. There is a lot of focus on education- helping with breastfeeding and bottle feeding support, establishing newborn procedures and routine, tips etc…- The postpartum doula aims to make the mother comfortable and confident in her new role, and to empower the parents to care for their new baby themselves. The doula can also provide some light house keeping, errand running and meal preparation. The hours are flexible and typically range 4-6 hours a day, but overnights are also possible. The parents can also decide if they want the doula every day or just a few days a week. There are certification programs that all certified doula complete. I recommend looking for a reputable certification program such as DONA, CAPPA, Maternity Wise, or Childbirth International when looking to hire a postpartum doula. All the programs I listed are reputable, well respected and established organizations with excellent training programs. To my knowledge, there are not small “doula” organizations that certify. If you are considering hiring a postpartum doula, here are some questions that may help you find the right person. (courtesy of DONA) When interviewing a postpartum doula * Tell me about your experience as a postpartum doula. * What is your philosophy about parenting and supporting women and their families during postpartum? * May we meet to discuss our postpartum needs and the role you will play in supporting us in the postpartum period? * May we call you with postpartum questions or concerns before the birth? * When do your services begin after birth? * What is your experience in breastfeeding support? * How many families have you served? * Have you had a criminal background check, a recent TB test and current CPR certification? * Who is your back-up, and can I meet her? * When would you send your back-up? * What part of your job do you enjoy the most? Baby Nurse now know as Newborn Care Specialist (NCS) This person is a non-medically trained newborn care specialist who’s main focus is on the newborn child. The responsibilities of the NCS are feeding, bathing, changing the infant, washing/cleaning/sterilizing bottles, in addition to sleep training, initiating a schedule for sleeping, meals, nap and play time, advising and providing any requested consultation on infant needs, swaddling, breastfeeding guidance, cord and circumcision care and nursery organization. One of the main differences between the postpartum doula and the baby nurse is the intended focus. The baby nurse will focus more on the care of the baby and not necessarily on the mother. They can relieve the parents of caring for their newborn and allow for down time for parents. In terms of work day, the commitment of hours a baby nurse offers is typically longer then the postpartum doula. Many times the baby nurse lives in with the family after birth. This can range from a week to several months. It is also more common for NCS to do over night stays and will typically work 12 hour or 24/7 shifts. The training a NCS receives can vary from more official groups like Newborn Care Specialist Association (NCSA) to smaller trainings lead by individual agencies or no specific training at all. When interviewing a Newborn Care Specialist * What has been your experience caring for newborns? * What kind of training have you had in newborn care? Are you certified by an organization? * How do you keep track of feeding and sleep patterns or problems? * What is your experience in breastfeeding support? * How many families have you served? * What kind of time off do you require? * What part of your job do you enjoy the most? I hope that this helps clarify the difference between the two types of help available for new mothers. Neither one is better than the other. It all depends on what kind of support you are looking for postpartum. If possible, I would recommend meeting the person you are intending to hire to make sure she is a good match for you. The postpartum time can be very vulnerable and you want to make sure that you found a good, supportive match.

Friday, December 6, 2013

" Nearly 25 Years of Fathering -- and All I've Got Are these 3 Lousy Tips" - Jim Higley

That's why (unless someone is at risk of being hurt or hurting someone), I'm now far more likely to say something like, "You know, the way you talk to me is just not working for me. But I'm not going to scream and simply hand you a punishment. I want you to think about it before we talk later this afternoon." http://m.huffpost.com/us/entry/436977?utm_hp_ref=parents&ir=Parents Nearly 25 Years of Fathering -- and All I've Got Are these 3 Lousy Tips The Blog Jim Higley Dec 03, 2013 I haven't read many parenting books. And I know, that's a little surprising for a guy who spends most of his time talking and writing about being a dad. So, if you chose to read no further, I understand. It's pitiful. I know. But what I lack in reading and scholarly research, I've compensated for with a lot of observations, conversations with professionals and good old-fashioned trial-and-error. A little over 24 years of it. One of the things I've learned is that being an effective dad requires strong communications with your child. If you can nail that part of the dad job, the rest comes much easier. A daunting task for sure -- especially as kids get older. So, here are my three top tips to help you grease that two-way road to trust-filled communications with your children. Put it on Ice You don't need to react so quickly to every situation. Slow down and think. Erupting like Mt. Vesuvius, spewing words and emotions, doesn't work. It's scary and models inappropriate behavior for your children. Give yourself a little time to think. A minute. Five. With older kids I might wait several hours or even a day. The key is to plant the seed with your child that the topic is "open" and that you're going to revisit it with them after the two of you have a chance to mutually think about it. With little kids who are misbehaving, you can literally pick them up, carry them to their room, and have a firm chat after a couple of minutes of cool-down time. But with older kids, that tactic doesn't work. Additionally, if you verbally attack an older kid in the heat of the moment, they are likely to feel cornered and trapped. You're simply inviting them to verbally attack you back. That's why (unless someone is at risk of being hurt or hurting someone), I'm now far more likely to say something like, "You know, the way you talk to me is just not working for me. But I'm not going to scream and simply hand you a punishment. I want you to think about it before we talk later this afternoon." Kids desperately want respect. Even when they don't show it towards you. They want to be heard. When you introduce topics with respect and consideration, it makes it much harder for them to continue their cycle of behavior. Try it. 30-Second Rule Stop lecturing. And when you feel the urge to lecture, limit it to 30 seconds. Kids hate lectures. I bet you do, too. If you can't get 95 percent of your point made in 30 seconds, then you need to think through your message. When I feel the need to preach to my kids, I introduce it with, "I need 30 seconds to share something with you that's been on my mind. Is your head in a good place to listen?" And you know what? Nine times out of 10, my kids tell me to bring it on right then and there. And you know something else? They listen. I end my half-minute sermon with something like, "Okay, that's what I wanted you to know. I want to hear your thoughts later today when you're ready to talk." Sometimes they want to talk right away. Sometimes they noodle and come back on their own. And sometimes I have to bring the subject back up a bit later. But it's almost always a smoother road to a sincere, open conversation. Start with 30 seconds. It works. Stop Solving Everything This one took me years to figure out. It's one that is really hard for dads to get good at because we love fixing and solving things. I'm talking about those times in life when your kids are mad, upset, hurt, frustrated, or angry over a host of things. Mean friends. Unfair coaches. Tough teachers. Annoying siblings. The list is miles long. I know for me, any time I used to hear another problem de jour, I'd reply to it with strategies for fixing it and make it go away. "Here's what you need to do with your friends -" "Next time your coach tells you blah, blah, blah, you should -" "Well, you should never let your friends tell you -" And you know what I've learned? Kids don't always want you to tell them what to do. They don't always need you to strategize. They're also far more resilient and capable than you give them credit for. A lot of times, they just want you to be in the zone with them. Empathize. Go deep. Be in the moment. Experience their feelings. I figured this out one day when my 13-year-old daughter was sulking in her bedroom, angry at mean friends. It tore me apart. I didn't want her to hurt. But at the advice of another wise dad, I tried something new. I went into her room, laid on the floor, and just stared at the ceiling with her. And eventually she said, "I hate my friends." And I replied, "That must suck to feel that way." And what followed was a dad-changing moment. She told me details of what was going on while I just stared at the ceiling. She told me about her hurt and pain. And I just kept reaffirming my love for her, my sadness at the situation, and my understanding of her feelings. And she was fine with that. She didn't need me to solve it. She needed me to experience it with her. I'm convinced that my actions sent her a far more important message than had I tried to give her an assortment of ideas to fix the specific problem. *** So there you have it. My top three tips. And just in case you're thinking, "Taking the easy road, huh?" the truth is all three of these ideas require you to stop, think and really focus on what your child needs. They require conscious parenting. But slowing down, taking time to think, fine-tuning your message, and acknowledging your child's emotions are collectively some of the best ways to build strong communications. Try them out. Modify them to work for your family. The rewards are plentiful. /// Learn more about Jim at: BobbleheadDad.com Jim's also on Pinterest Learn more about Jim for Speaking Engagements Join Jim's Facebook Community Sent from my iPhone Sara Kaplan 973-945-6657 sara@kaplan.org sarrez3@gmail.com http://www.sarakaplanart.com/ http://www.linkedin.com/in/sararesnickkaplan http://pinterest.com/sararkaplan/art-resume-teaching-artist/

Wednesday, October 23, 2013

Talk to your kids!

NY Times Story Here Nearly two decades ago, a landmark study found that by age 3, the children of wealthier professionals have heard words millions more times than those of less educated parents, giving them a distinct advantage in school and suggesting the need for increased investment in prekindergarten programs. Multimedia Tracking the Vocabulary Gap Enlarge This Image Ramin Rahimian for The New York Times Kara Glenister read from Megan Chu’s journal at a transitional kindergarten class at John Gomes Elementary in Fremont, Calif. Enlarge This Image Ramin Rahimian for The New York Times Ms. Glenister's class uses a new literacy program. Readers’ Comments "You will never be able to create a government program that compensates for poor parenting." Phil, Brentwood, TN Read Full Comment » Post a Comment » Now a follow-up study has found a language gap as early as 18 months, heightening the policy debate. The new research by Anne Fernald, a psychologist at Stanford University, which was published in Developmental Science this year, showed that at 18 months children from wealthier homes could identify pictures of simple words they knew — “dog” or “ball” — much faster than children from low-income families. By age 2, the study found, affluent children had learned 30 percent more words in the intervening months than the children from low-income homes. The new findings, although based on a small sample, reinforced the earlier research showing that because professional parents speak so much more to their children, the children hear 30 million more words by age 3 than children from low-income households, early literacy experts, preschool directors and pediatricians said. In the new study, the children of affluent households came from communities where the median income per capita was $69,000; the low-income children came from communities with a median income per capita of $23,900. Since oral language and vocabulary are so connected to reading comprehension, the most disadvantaged children face increased challenges once they enter school and start learning to read. “That gap just gets bigger and bigger,” said Kris Perry, executive director of the First Five Years Fund, an advocate of early education for low-income children. “That gap is very real and very hard to undo.” President Obama has called for the federal government to match state money to provide preschool for all 4-year-olds from low- and moderate-income families, a proposal in the budget that Congress voted to postpone negotiating until later this year. The administration is also offering state grants through its Race to the Top Program to support early childhood education. Critics argue, however, that with so few programs offering high-quality instruction, expanding the system will prove a waste of money and that the limited funds should be reserved for elementary and secondary education. But at a time when a majority of public schoolchildren in about a third of the states come from low-income families, according to the Southern Education Foundation, those who are pushing for higher preschool enrollment say that investing in the youngest children could save public spending later on. In the latest data available from the National Institute for Early Education Research at Rutgers University, 28 percent of all 4-year-olds in the United States were enrolled in state-financed preschool in the 2010-11 school year, and just 4 percent of 3-year-olds. The National Governors Association, in a report this month calling on states to ensure that all children can read proficiently by third grade, urges lawmakers to increase access to high-quality child care and prekindergarten classes and to invest in programs for children from birth through age 5. In New York, the Democratic mayoral candidate Bill de Blasio has said he would tax high-income earners to pay for universal prekindergarten in the city. “A lot of states are saying, ‘Let’s get to the early care providers and get more of them having kids come into kindergarten ready,’ ” said Richard Laine, director of education for the National Governors Association. That way, he said, “we’re not waiting until third grade and saying, ‘Oh my gosh, we have so many kids overwhelming our remediation system.’ ” Currently, 17 states and the District of Columbia have policies requiring that third graders be held back if they do not meet state reading proficiency standards, according to the Education Commission of the States. Now, with the advent of the Common Core, a set of rigorous reading and math standards for students in kindergarten through 12th grade that has been adopted by 45 states and the District of Columbia, educators say the pressure to prepare young children is growing more intense. Literacy experts have previously documented a connection between a child’s early vocabulary and later success in reading comprehension. In a study tracking children from age 3 through middle school, David Dickinson, now a professor of education at Vanderbilt University, and Catherine Snow, an education professor at Harvard University, found that a child’s score on a vocabulary test in kindergarten could predict reading comprehension scores in later grades. Mr. Dickinson said he feared that some preschool teachers or parents might extract the message about the importance of vocabulary and pervert it. “The worst thing that could come out of all this interest in vocabulary,” he said, “is flash cards with pictures making kids memorize a thousand words.” Instead, literacy experts emphasize the importance of natural conversations with children, asking questions while reading books, and helping children identify words during playtime. Even these simple principles may be hard to implement, some educators say, because preschool instructors are often paid far less than public schoolteachers and receive scant training. In one study, Robert Pianta, dean of the Curry School of Education at the University of Virginia, found that in observations of 700 preschool classrooms across 11 states, teachers in less than 15 percent of the classes demonstrated “effective teacher-student interactions.” “There is a lot of wishful thinking about how easy it is, that if you just put kids in any kind of program that this will just happen,” said W. Steven Barnett, director of the National Institute for Early Education Research, referring to the development of strong vocabularies and other preliteracy skills. Literacy experts and publishing companies are rushing to develop materials for teachers. Scholastic Inc., the children’s book publisher, for example, began selling the Big Day for Pre-K program to preschools three years ago. Collections of books come with specific question prompts like “I see a yellow taxi. What do you see?” Educators and policy makers say they also must focus increasingly on parents. In Vallejo, Calif., where about 400 children up to age 5 attend publicly funded prekindergarten programs, the district invited Anne E. Cunningham, a psychologist and literacy specialist from the University of California, Berkeley, to conduct a training program for preschool teachers that included the development of parent education workshops. And in Kentucky, the governor’s Office of Early Childhood started a social media campaign last year that offers simple tips for parents like “Talk about the weather with your child. Is it sunny or cloudy? Hot or cold?” Middle class and more-affluent parents have long known that describing fruit at the supermarket or pointing out the shape of a stop sign are all part of a young child’s literacy education. But even in low-income families, parents who speak to their children more frequently can enhance vocabulary. In separate research, Ms. Fernald, working with Adriana Weisleder, a graduate student in psychology, recorded all the words that 29 children from low-income households heard over a day. The researchers differentiated between words overheard from television and adult conversations and those directed at the children. They found that some of the children, who were 19 months at the time, heard as few as 670 “child-directed” words in one day, compared with others in the group who heard as many as 12,000. Those who had heard more words were able to understand words more quickly and had larger vocabularies by age 2. “Even in families that are low income and perhaps don’t have a lot of education, there are some parents that are very engaged verbally with their kids,” said Ms. Weisleder. “And those kids are doing better in language development.” This article has been revised to reflect the following correction: Correction: October 22, 2013 An earlier version of this article referred incorrectly to the scope of the incomes of the families who were part of the new study. The cited income — $69,000 from affluent households; $23,900 from low-income homes — was the median income per capita, not the median income.

Wednesday, October 16, 2013

Empathy in Teens, boys vs. girls: from WSJ

Teens Are Still Developing Empathy Skills Vital Social Skill Ebbs and Flows in Adolescent Boys; How to Cultivate Sensitivity By SUE SHELLENBARGER New research shows that biology, not parenting, is to blame for insensitive and selfish behavior by teenagers. But, there can be ways to teach teens empathy. Sue Shellenbarger and "Masterminds and Wingmen" author Rosalind Wiseman join Lunch Break. Photo: AP. The teen years are often fraught with door-slamming, eye-rolling and seeming insensitivity, even by kids who behaved kindly before. Some parents worry that they're doing something wrong, or that their children will never think of anyone but themselves. New research shows that biology, not parenting, is to blame. In adolescence, critical social skills that are needed to feel concern for other people and understand how they think are undergoing major changes. Adolescence has long been known as prime time for developing cognitive skills for self-control, or executive function. "Cognitive empathy," or the mental ability to take others' perspective, begins rising steadily in girls at age 13, according to a six-year study published recently in Developmental Psychology. But boys don't begin until age 15 to show gains in perspective-taking, which helps in problem-solving and avoiding conflict. Adolescent males actually show a temporary decline, between ages 13 and 16, in a related skill—affective empathy, or the ability to recognize and respond to others' feelings, according to the study, co-authored by Jolien van der Graaff, a doctoral candidate in the Research Centre Adolescent Development at Utrecht University in the Netherlands. Fortunately, the boys' sensitivity recovers in the late teens. Girls' affective empathy remains relatively high and stable through adolescence. The riptides are often noticeable to parents. Susan Burkinshaw has tried to cultivate empathy in her two teenage sons, 16 and 18, since they were toddlers, encouraging them to think about others' feelings. Yet one "went through a period in eighth grade where he was just a bear to deal with. He always had an attitude," says Ms. Burkinshaw, of Germantown, Md. "Then as quickly as it came on, it turned back off again." The findings reflect a major expansion in researchers' understanding of cognitive growth during adolescence, according to a 2012 research review co-authored by Ronald Dahl, a professor of public health at the University of California at Berkeley. Researchers used to believe that both forms of empathy were fully formed during childhood. Now, it's clear that "the brain regions that support social cognition, which helps us understand and interact with others successfully, continue to change dramatically" in the teens, says Jennifer Pfeifer, an assistant professor of psychology at the University of Oregon in Eugene. Preliminary research in her lab also suggests cognitive empathy rises in teens. The discoveries serve as a new lens for exploring such teen behaviors as bullying and drug abuse. Kids who develop affective and cognitive empathy form healthy relationships and argue less with their parents, research shows. Perspective-taking continues to be central for adults on the job, helping in designing and selling products and services, building user-friendly devices, and working smoothly with others with diverse viewpoints and backgrounds. Affective empathy is grounded in the limbic region of the brain, which regulates emotions. This capacity begins developing in infancy when parents respond sensitively to babies' emotions. Children learn to practice empathy by watching their parents and by experiencing it themselves—being treated well by adults who respond warmly to their feelings, says Anthony Wolf, a Longmeadow, Mass., psychologist, author and speaker. Cognitive empathy arises from a different part of the brain, the medial prefrontal cortex, which continues developing later, through adolescence. But the two are linked; children's affective empathy predicts their level of cognitive empathy as teens, says a forthcoming study by Caspar Van Lissa, a doctoral candidate at Utrecht's adolescent-research center. Parents can help instill affective empathy by encouraging children to walk in others' shoes. If Ms. Burkinshaw's kids saw a child being teased or treated badly, she asked them, "If that had been you, what would you have wanted your friends to do to help?" Her 12-year-old daughter Alexandra recently told her that several classmates had hurt another girl's feelings by blocking her from following them on Instagram. "I said, 'What could you do to help her?' " Ms. Burkinshaw says. Alexandra talked with her friends, and another mother also intervened. The girls apologized and invited the victim back into the group. Adolescents' brains work particularly hard on perspective-taking; teens make heavier use than adults of the medial prefrontal cortex, says Sarah-Jayne Blakemore, a professor of cognitive neuroscience at University College London. That may be because understanding others' viewpoints takes more conscious effort for teens, while it becomes automatic for adults, Dr. Blakemore says. Perspective-taking continues to develop through age 21. The decline in affective empathy among young teenage boys may spring at least partly from a spurt during puberty in testosterone, sparking a desire for dominance and power, says the study in Developmental Psychology. Boys who were more mature physically showed less empathy than others. Boys also feel pressure from peers and some adults to "act like a man," which they often define as being detached, tough, funny and strong, says Rosalind Wiseman, Boulder, Colo., author of "Masterminds and Wingmen," a new book about teen boys. They may suppress feelings of empathy so they can join in joking and teasing with peers, she says. "Humor is the social glue among boys, and empathy would be a brake on what they can and cannot joke about." So some kids "stop listening to their gut." Also, some teens may appear insensitive because they're actually struggling to avoid being overwhelmed by their own feelings of empathy, says Brad Sachs, Columbia, Md., a psychologist, author and speaker. "Teens who seem aloof, hard-hearted or unkind may in reality be quite the opposite." Fathers seem to play a special role. Teens whose fathers are supportive, who say they feel better after talking over their worries with their dads, are more skilled at perspective-taking, says a 2011 study of 15- to 18-year-old boys in Developmental Psychology. Yu Oen of Princeton Junction, N.J., encourages his sons Grant, 19, and Sean, 15, to take others' perspective by discussing current events with them—including how the people involved must have felt. After the Boston Marathon bombing, they talked about how a runner who lost her legs must have felt when entering a restaurant where everyone else was wearing shorts. "You can see their reaction: 'Wow, that is really tough,' " Mr. Oen says. "They feel it: 'What if that had been me?' " Mr. Oen and his wife Shirley "feel it too," he says. "And we take time to talk about these things." Write to Sue Shellenbarger at sue.shellenbarger@wsj.com

Beyond Baby Weight: from WSJ

Bigger Postpartum Challenges Than Just Baby Weight Pregnancy Can Put Significant Strain on Muscles and Bones Sarah Nassauer connect Oct. 14, 2013 7:26 p.m. ET Having a baby leaves a woman's body off kilter in various ways that are often overlooked. Sarah Nassauer and physical therapist Marianne Ryan join Lunch Break with a look at what women should (and shouldn't) be doing. Photo: AP. The issue of baby weight hangs heavy on the minds of many postpartum women, with images of famous moms like the impossibly fit model Gisele Bündchen, who had her second child last year, seared into their brains. But more women and health professionals are turning their attention to changes beyond weight. Pregnancy and labor cause significant strain on muscle and bone structures. Some research shows that stretched, weakened or torn muscles and misaligned bones may seem simply annoying at first, but can develop into debilitating disorders years or decades later. More women in the U.S. are having babies older and in some cases spacing pregnancies closer together, giving the body less time to recover. There has also been an increase in fertility treatments such as in vitro fertilization, which lead to more twin pregnancies that add to the physical strain on women's bodies. "It's a massive physical challenge" to have a baby, says Jessica McKinney, director of the Center for Pelvic and Women's Health at Marathon Physical Therapy and Sports Medicine based in Boston. Abdominal muscles lengthen significantly during pregnancy, the spine moves into an exaggerated S curve, caesarean section can leave internal scar tissue, and the hammock of muscles in the pelvis that support organs and bones, called the pelvic floor, stretches or even tears, she says. Before and After Baby View Slideshow Physical therapist Jessica McKinney worked with co-worker Kyla Triveri, who is seven months pregnant. Christopher Churchill for The Wall Street Journal Left untreated, the changes can cause problems down the road, from pelvic and low back pain to incontinence and other issues. Courtney Freck, an avid runner who lives in Sterling, Va., started having sharp hip and back pain while running about a year after the c-section birth of her second daughter. Doctors weren't sure what was wrong. Eventually, she consulted a women's health physical therapist who pointed to her weak core muscles and her lingering diastasis recti, or the separation of her "six-pack" muscles. The separation occurs in almost all pregnancies and often doesn't resolve on its own. "I just thought it was one of those things, you have a baby and things never go back," says the 36-year-old purchasing manager for a health-care company. She did exercises to strengthen her interior abdominal muscles and pelvic floor. She is now training for a marathon, running about 25 miles a week. Enlarge Image To reduce diastasis recti during pregnancy, physical therapists recommend avoiding sit-up movements that rely on the external abdominal muscles. Instead, they suggest women get out of bed by lying on their sides and pushing themselves up with their arms. With a new baby to care for, women often ignore seemingly small things like pain, says Ms. McKinney of Marathon Physical Therapy. Patients think "I have to throw myself at the altar of motherhood," and it's normal that my body doesn't work as well, she says. To explain why so many of their patients don't seek treatment until years after they gave birth, many health professionals that focus on musculoskeletal issues during and after pregnancy tell a similar tale. "I will hear, 'After my first pregnancy I occasionally leaked as I coughed' " or I had some pain, but I didn't see it as a problem, says Secili Destefano, a physical therapist and director of research for the American Physical Therapy Association Section on Women's Health. Then a woman ages, her muscles start to deteriorate and her hormone levels change. "And now your body is doing things you don't want it to," she says, and finally you go to a doctor. If a woman seeks help earlier "we can use simpler treatments," such as physical therapy in lieu of surgery to repair a weakened pelvic floor or pelvic organ prolapse, says Linda Brubaker, an urogynecologist and dean of the Stritch School of Medicine at Loyola University Chicago. Dr. Brubaker recommends every woman ask her doctor or nurse to check her pelvic floor strength at the 4-to-6-week postpartum checkup. The pelvic floor is "the center of the universe," because it supports so many organs and bones, she says. Even c-section scarring can be treated to prevent pain. Any internal scar can adhere to other parts of the body while healing, hampering muscle movement or causing pain years later, says Debra Goodman, a physical therapist in Albany, N.Y. She massages scar tissue once it has healed to keep skin and tissue mobile, she says, noting improvement can happen "even 20 years later." About 30% of births happen via c-section in the U.S. Women are regularly told by doctors to do Kegel exercises to strengthen the pelvic floor during or after pregnancy, but many women do them incorrectly, pushing out instead of up and in or contracting the wrong muscles, says Colleen Fitzgerald, medical director of the Chronic Pelvic Pain Program at Loyola University Chicago. Many of these issues get little attention among women and some obstetricians for a complex web of reasons. A spokesman for the American Congress of Obstetricians and Gynecologists says there is a "tremendous amount of information that must be conveyed" at a postpartum visit and that doctors refer patients to specialists when they find problems with the pelvic floor. Obstetricians rely on prenatal classes to train patients in Kegel exercises, he said. Exercising too hard too soon can lead to problems including pelvic pain, say some doctors and physical therapists. Women can exercise as they normally would during pregnancy and after their 4-to-6-week postpartum checkup as long as they don't have pain, say most health professionals. If a postpartum woman has weak core muscles or a large diastasis recti, running or other pounding exercises can be problematic. Hold off until you know you have stable core strength, says Marianne Ryan, owner of MRPT Physical Therapy in New York City. However, women can start doing pelvic floor and breathing exercises in the days following labor if it doesn't cause pain, says Ms. Ryan. Symptoms that are often linked to unresolved injuries during childbirth are common in the U.S., especially as women age. Almost 40% of women 60 to 79 years old report symptoms of some type of pelvic floor disorder, which includes incontinence and pelvic organ prolapse, when organs press against or descend into the vaginal walls causing a sensation of pressure, according to a 2008 study from the Journal of the American Medical Association. In the study, the more children a woman gave birth to the more likely she was to have symptoms. Overall about 24% of U.S. women who aren't currently pregnant had such symptoms, according to the study that reviewed medical data for 1961 women 20 and older. Obesity was also a risk factor. Some research shows these numbers are likely to increase in the coming decades as the population ages. "I felt really accomplished that I had good pregnancies," says Karen Ivas, a 56-year-old Mansfield, Mass., resident and mother of five. "A week after I delivered I was in my jeans." But in her early 50s she started to experience minor incontinence issues. "I didn't think too much of it," says Ms. Ivas, until she realized she couldn't live "without having to worry about where the next bathroom was." One doctor she consulted said, "Oh that's the way it is. A lot of people have your problem," she says. She had surgery to lift her uterus and other repairs, but it didn't resolve her problem, she says. More recently she has found some relief from regular trips to a women's health physical therapist, doing hands-on therapy and other exercises. "I had more than one OB and nobody ever said anything to me about pelvic health," she says. Write to Sarah Nassauer at sarah.nassauer@wsj.com

Tuesday, October 15, 2013

Parenting exercise "my mother always, my father never"

From yahoo discussion board: "We had to to do a parenting exercise which involved making two lists each. One entitled "my father never..." "my father always.." and the other "my mother never..." "my mother always..." we had to write down what our parents were like & the good and bad qualities they possessed. When we were done, We talked about what we wrote down and decided together which behaviors we value and which we'd like to change as we raise our child. Which qualities and behaviours did you decide to use and not use for your child & how do you differ from your parents' raising methods?"

Helpful Parenting Calculator

Calculator to determine the expenses of your newest member to the family...

Thursday, October 3, 2013

Super Nanny Tips

1. Thought box for kids... setup a box with a slot. Allow children to put their ideas and thoughts down on paper, then put it in the box. Parents can later review the thoughts and talk about it with their children. Encourages openness and eliminates barriers on topics that are more difficult to discuss.

2. Mommy & Me time... setup time that is specifically mommy and me or daddy and me. That way each parent has dedicated, scheduled one-on-one time with the baby

3. Engagement... keep the children engaged. If you are doing an activity like picking pumpkins, add some type of analysis to the project, for example... who can find a pumpkin that is 24" round, and give them a tape measure, or count the number of ridges in the pumpkin, or list all of the colors that you see. It gives children more things to think about than just simply picking the pumpkin. Another example, jenga, ask them intriguing questions, i.e. do you think that if I pull this stick, the whole wall will fall?

4. Undermine... it's important to keep a unified front. As parents, if you are seen as one solid front, then children will not be able to play one parent off of the other and gain some form of control. Instead, parents should support each others comments and decisions in front of the children, then resolve disputes privately.

Friday, August 16, 2013

Pregnancy symptoms you should never ignore

Pregnancy symptoms you should never ignore Reviewed by the BabyCenter Medical Advisory Board Last updated: March 2013 http://www.babycenter.com/signs-of-a-pregnancy-problem?scid=iOS_MPT_Referral Inside pregnancy: Labor and birth Contractions begin and the cervix gradually opens. See the stages of labor and watch a baby being born. How do you know whether that sudden ache is normal or warrants a 2 a.m. call to your doctor or midwife? Here's a rundown of symptoms that should set off your warning bells. But even if you don't see the source of your concern on this list, it's better to err on the side of caution and make that call than to agonize for hours, wondering whether you've gone into preterm labor or just pulled a ligament. Note that some of these symptoms may be more or less urgent depending on how far along you are in your pregnancy and on your particular situation or health history. Ask your practitioner to review with you which signs warrant an urgent call or immediate emergency medical care as your pregnancy progresses. Your baby is moving or kicking less than usual (once he begins moving regularly). Ask your caregiver whether you should monitor your baby's activity by doing daily "kick counts." She can give you specific instructions on how to count and when to call. Severe or persistent abdominal pain or tenderness. Vaginal bleeding or spotting. An increase in vaginal discharge or a change in the type of discharge—that is, if it becomes watery, mucousy, or bloody (even if it's only pink or blood-tinged). Note: After 37 weeks, an increase in mucus discharge is normal and may indicate that you'll be going into labor soon. Pelvic pressure (a feeling that your baby is pushing down), lower back pain (especially if it's a new problem for you), menstrual-like cramping or abdominal pain, or more than four contractions in an hour (even if they don't hurt) before 37 weeks. Painful or burning urination, or little or no urination. Severe or persistent vomiting, or any vomiting accompanied by pain or fever. Chills or fever of 100 degrees Fahrenheit or higher. Visual disturbances such as double vision, blurring, dimming, flashing lights, or "floaters" (spots in your field of vision). Persistent or severe headache, or any headache accompanied by blurred vision, slurred speech, or numbness. Any swelling in your face or puffiness around your eyes, anything more than a little swelling in your hands, severe and sudden swelling of your feet or ankles, or a rapid weight gain (more than 4 pounds in a week). A persistent or severe leg cramp or calf pain that doesn't ease up when you flex your ankle and point your toes toward your nose or when you walk around, or one leg being significantly more swollen than the other. Trauma to the abdomen (such as a fall or a car accident). Fainting, frequent dizziness, a rapid heartbeat, or heart palpitations. Difficulty breathing, coughing up blood, or chest pain. Severe constipation accompanied by abdominal pain or severe diarrhea that lasts more than 24 hours. Persistent intense itching of your torso, arms, legs, palms, or soles, or a feeling of itchiness all over your body. Flu exposure or symptoms. Both flu and H1N1 (swine) flu are very risky for pregnant women. So let your caregiver know right away if you've been in close contact with someone who has the flu or if you have any flu symptoms, which may include fever, sore throat, cough, runny or stuffy nose, fatigue, and body aches and chills. Symptoms may occasionally include vomiting or diarrhea. Seek immediate emergency medical care if you're experiencing shortness of breath or difficulty breathing, chest or abdominal pain, sudden dizziness or confusion, severe or persistent vomiting, decreased fetal movement, or if you have a high fever despite taking acetaminophen. Exposure to a communicable disease like chicken pox or rubella if you're not immune or are showing signs of infection. Call your caregiver—don't show up at the office without phoning first. Depression or severe anxiety. If you are feeling a profound sense of sadness or hopelessness, having panic attacks, are unable to handle your daily responsibilities, or are having thoughts of harming yourself, seek help immediately. Any other health problem that you'd ordinarily call your practitioner about, even if it's not related to your pregnancy (like worsening asthma or a cold that gets worse rather than better). Your body is changing so rapidly that it's hard to know whether what you're experiencing is "normal." If you're not sure whether a symptom is serious, you don't feel like yourself, or you're uneasy, trust your instincts and make the call. Your caregiver expects such calls. If there's a problem, you'll get help right away. If nothing's wrong, you'll be reassured. And if you can't reach a caregiver on the phone, you can always go to the hospital (to labor and delivery) or the emergency room. Finally, if you're near your due date, check out the signs of labor so you'll know what to look for and when to call.

Child proofing

Child Dies After Eating Laundry Packet

http://on.wsj.com/13E5yQh

Saturday, June 15, 2013

Meaningless Praise vs. Encouragement

http://stedi.org/subs/social-center/the-bus-stop-blog/meaningless-praise-vs-encouragement/

"We often talk on this blog about the importance of positive reinforcement. I think we all have heard, by now, that teachers have more success with positive feedback than with negative. Hopefully you have embraced this idea and have put it into practice in your substitute teaching routine. That being said, I'd like to bring up a distinction between some different types of positive reinforcement.
While taking a "Positive Parenting" class last year, my teacher brought up some valid concerns about praising children. She began by telling us that meaningless praise can actually do more harm than good to a child. When you make statements to a student such as, "I really like that paper," or, "You're doing so great," you are assuming three things:
  1. You are competent to judge this child
  2. You are in a position to do so
  3. The praise is appreciated
The problem with meaningless praise is that you are evaluating the student which can cause resentment. Even if you are saying something positive, they sense that it's a judgment statement. So, what can you do instead of meaningless praise if you want to express your pleasure with a student? After all, isn't that what you're going for?
The answer: Encourage. The distinction is that encouragement doesn't involve our evaluation, it just simply states our message of delight. When we praise children, we are training them to be dependent on a system of extrinsic rewards. When we encourage, however, we are helping them develop self-satisfaction.
For example, instead of saying, "I'm so proud of the way you worked on that," try, "Wow, five out of five! I bet that feels great!" In the first statement, you have made it about your feelings toward the student, but in the second statement you have turned the focus to them. Encouragement is easily done when you ask questions to the student about their feelings on their work ("Hey, how do you feel about this?") You could also simply verbalize what you observed ("I noticed you got eight out of ten correct.") Let the student evaluate themselves.

Here are just a few more parting thoughts on encouragement:
  • It should be specific and descriptive. (Instead of, "Great job," try, "I noticed you were taking turns at recess today")
  • The emphasis should be on the effort made by the student, not the end product. (Instead of, "I really liked that paragraph," try, "I bet you worked hard on that one.")
  • Focus on the feelings of the student. (Instead of, "I'm so proud of your hard work," try, "Wow, ten out of ten! I bet that feels great!")
When we use encouragement as our form of positive reinforcement, students are doing most of the judging and consequently build their self-concepts. Learning to change our praise statements to encouragement statements will take practice. Chances are, our teachers and parents used praise with us as children. But give it a try! See if you notice a difference in the student's demeanor."

Thursday, June 13, 2013

Sunday, February 10, 2013

Weekly Family Meetings to Consider

Family Inc.

A new generation of parents is taking solutions from the workplace and transferring them to the home. From accountability checklists to branding sessions, the result is a bold new blueprint for happy families.

[image] Erin Patrice O'Brien for The Wall Street Journal
MISSION STATEMENT | At the center of the Kidder family's 'belief board' is a pledge 'to contribute our unique, God-given gifts' to improve 'the lives of others and the world.' It also lists a dozen core values, from faith to knowledge.
At 7 p.m. on a Sunday in Hidden Springs, Idaho, the six members of the Starr family were sitting down to the highlight of their week: the family meeting. The Starrs are a typical American family, with their share of everyday family issues. David is a software engineer; his wife, Eleanor, takes care of their four children, ages 10 to 15. One of the children has Asperger syndrome, another ADHD; one tutors math on the near side of town; one practices lacrosse on the far side. "We were living in complete chaos," Eleanor said.
The modern workplace has developed lots of tools for promoting cooperation and teamwork, says Bruce Feiler, and we can use them at home too. He discusses his new book, "The Secrets of Happy Families," with WSJ Weekend Review editor Gary Rosen.
Like many parents, the Starrs were trapped between the smooth-running household they aspired to have and the exhausting, earsplitting one they actually lived in. "I was trying the whole 'love them and everything will work out' philosophy," she said, "but it wasn't working. 'For the love of God,' I finally said, 'I can't take this any more.' "
What the Starrs did next was surprising. Instead of consulting relatives or friends, they looked to David's workplace. They turned to a cutting-edge program called agile development that has rapidly spread from manufacturers in Japan to startups in Silicon Valley. It's a system of group dynamics in which workers are organized into small teams, hold daily progress sessions and weekly reviews.
As David explained, "Having weekly family meetings increased communication, improved productivity, lowered stress and made everyone much happier to be part of the family team."
When my wife and I adopted the agile blueprint in our own home, weekly family meetings with our then-5-year-old twin daughters quickly became the centerpiece around which we organized our family. The meetings transformed our relationships with our kids—and each other. And they took up less than 20 minutes a week.
The past few years have seen a rapid erosion of the wall that once divided work and family. New technologies allow busy employees to check in with one another during "family time" and allow busy parents to interact with their kids during "work time." But as close as the two worlds have grown, they've rarely exchanged ideas. Parents hoping to improve their families have been stuck with stale techniques from shrinks, self-help gurus and other "family experts." Meanwhile, in workplaces across America, breakthrough ideas have emerged to make teams run more smoothly.
A new generation of parents is now taking solutions from the workplace and transferring them home. From accountability checklists to family branding sessions, from time-shifting meals to more efficient conflict resolution, families are finally reaping the benefits of decades of groundbreaking research into group dynamics. The result is a bold new blueprint for happy families.

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Want to know more about running your family like a business? Pose your questions in the comments, or tweet them using #happyfamilies. Bruce Feiler will provide answers on Monday.
Surveys show that both parents and children list stress as their No. 1 concern. A chief source of that stress is change. Just as kids stop teething, they start throwing tantrums; just as they stop needing us to give them a bath, they need our help dealing with online hazing. No wonder psychologist Salvador Minuchin said that the most important characteristic of families is being "rapidly adaptable." So has anyone figured out how?
In 1983, Jeff Sutherland was a technologist in New England when he began noticing how dysfunctional software development was. Companies followed the "waterfall model," in which executives issued ambitious orders that their harried programmers struggled to meet. Most projects failed. Mr. Sutherland set out to design a more agile system, in which ideas would not just flow down from the top but also percolate up from the bottom. Today, agile development is used in 100 countries and is transforming management suites.
Inevitably, fans of agile started applying the techniques to their families. "I began to see a lot of people using agile at home, especially with their children," Mr. Sutherland told me. Blogs popped up; manuals were published.
A central plank is accountability. Teams use "information radiators"—large, public boards on which people mark their progress. The Starrs, for instance, created a morning checklist of chores, which each child is responsible for ticking off. On the morning I visited, Eleanor drank coffee and inquired about the day, while the kids fixed lunch, loaded the dishwasher and fed the dog. When I protested that my own girls would never be so compliant, she said, "That's what I thought. I told David, 'Leave your work out of my kitchen.' But I was wrong."
The week that my wife and I introduced our own morning checklist, we cut parental screaming in half. But the real breakthrough was the family meeting. Following the lead of the Starrs and others, we ask three questions, all adapted from agile: 1) What went well in our family this week? 2) What didn't go well? 3) What will we agree to work on this week? Everyone offers answers, then we vote on two problem areas to focus on.
Three years later, what have we learned?

The Business of Happy Families

Stephen Webster
First, empower the children. The key to the meetings is to let the kids pick their own rewards and punishments. Ours girls turn out to be little Stalins, so we often have to dial them back. Significant brain research reinforces this strategy. Children who plan their own time, set weekly goals and evaluate their own work become more internally driven and have greater self-control.
Second, parents aren't invincible. Our instinct as parents is to build ourselves up, but abundant research shows that this type of top-down leadership is not the best model. Effective teams aren't dominated by a single leader; all members contribute. We even let the kids criticize us.
Finally, build in flexibility. Parents often create a few overarching rules and stick to them. This assumes we can anticipate every problem. We can't. The agile family philosophy embraces the ever-changing nature of families today and builds in a system to adapt to each new phase.
But if agile is good at making families more adaptable, what about the flip side: teaching children core values? Here again, a simple idea from the business world offers parents a clear path.
David Kidder is a serial entrepreneur, an author and the father of three boys. "If I've learned anything by starting four companies," he told me, "it's that young companies typically fail because you have a charismatic leader with a bunch of beliefs, but those beliefs don't translate to the rest of their company."
Mr. Kidder created a company playbook, with everything from the purpose of the organization to how to run meetings. "Why not create a similar playbook for my family?" he wondered. The Kidder belief board has a one-sentence manifesto. "The purpose of our lives is to contribute our unique, God-given gifts to have an extraordinarily positive impact on the lives of others and the world." It then lists a dozen core values, from faith to knowledge.
Jim Collins, the author of "Good to Great," says that great organizations "preserve the core and stimulate progress." The same applies to families, he told me. While you need to keep introducing new ideas, you also need to identify the bedrock principles you believe in. One way to do that, he said, is to do what other organizations do: create a mission statement.
Mr. Collins coached my family through creating a mission statement of our own. In effect, we used contemporary branding techniques to identify what is most important to us. We started with the familial equivalent of a corporate retreat, a pajama party with our daughters, during which we voted on a list of values. Next we answered questions about what we liked most about our family. Finally we settled on a list of 10 core affirmations. ("We are travelers not tourists," "We don't like dilemmas; we like solutions.")
What are the benefits of such a statement? A central finding of recent research is that parents should spend less time worrying about what they do wrong and more time focusing on what they do right. The family mission statement is a clear way to articulate what your family does right. It also creates a touchstone. When one of our daughters got into a spat with a classmate, we asked her which of our core values seemed to apply. "We bring people together?" she said. Suddenly we had a way into the conversation.
I grew up in a family business. Every Saturday morning, I drove with my grandfather to a one-story office building where I learned to type, file and take payments. But while those skills have proven valuable to me, I realized that I wasn't passing them on to my kids.
Studies show that parents do a lame job of talking to their kids about money, but that doesn't mean we're not imparting our values. If kids see their parents worrying about money or being materialistic, they develop similar feelings. If they see their parents being responsible, children learn those habits as well.
A new crop of entrepreneurial parents is trying to revolutionize how families handle money. Websites like Tykoon and FamZoo aim to bring 21st-century tools to the 19th-century invention of allowance. They offer pots for saving, spending and giving away, along with artificially high interest rates.
Bill Dwight, a former Oracle ORCL +0.98% executive and the founder of FamZoo, said that the goal is to promote conversations. "Financial literacy is not, 'Do you know how a stock works?' " he told me. "It's about understanding the concept of constraints. I've advised startups over the years, and one reason they're so innovative is they're constrained."
Family financial adviser Byron Trott agrees. He is the managing partner of BDT Capital Partners, which counsels many wealthy families. Warren Buffett called him "the only banker I trust." Mr. Trott told me that the country's top business minds often fail at the simplest tasks with their children. His advice:
1) Show them the money. Families depend too much on osmosis, he said. "I told one of the richest women in America recently that she had to talk openly with her children. She didn't want to burden them with the truth, but burdening them with ignorance is really much worse."
2) Take off the training wheels. Mr. Trott chided me for not allowing my children to make mistakes with their money. "But what if they drive into the ditch?" I said. "It's better to bike into the ditch with a $6 allowance," he said, "than a $60,000 salary or a $6 million inheritance."
3) Put them to work. Though there is a lot of vagueness about kids and money, the research is clear that part-time jobs are great for kids. "The most successful adults I know were all involved in business at a young age," Mr. Trott said. "Warren thinks I'm successful because I had a lawn-mowing business, a clothing store. If you really want your daughters to understand money, have them open a lemonade stand."
All families have conflict. The ones who handle it smarter are more likely to succeed. Conflict resolution didn't exist as a field when Dr. Spock reigned, but a generation of scholars has introduced new techniques to resolve showdowns, from nuclear-arms pacts to general strikes. These techniques also turn out to help when deciding who gets to wear the fuzzy socks this week.
William Ury, co-founder of Harvard's Program on Negotiation and co-author of "Getting to Yes," told me that since families are no longer top-down, new rules have to be brokered all the time. "Ours is the first generation where continuous negotiation is the norm," he said.
Josh Weiss, a protégé of Mr. Ury, uses a simplified version of the Harvard blueprint for resolving conflict with his three daughters. When fights erupt, he coaches his daughters to step away, calm down and then return with alternative solutions.
"I believe these strategies may be better suited for a family than a workplace," Mr. Weiss told me. While in the workplace, "you can avoid conflict," he said, "at home, you can't. You'll end up getting divorced or becoming estranged from your kids."
Other problem-solving techniques honed in companies can also help families, especially extended families. We adopted a few in our family to address questions like whether my mom should buy long-term health insurance and where to hold our family reunion. Some counterintuitive tips:
First, have as many people in the discussion as possible. The conventional wisdom is wrong: Too few cooks spoil the broth. Abundant research has shown that groups, especially if they include nonexperts, are better at making decisions than individuals.
Second, vote first, talk later. As the psychologist Daniel Kahneman points out in "Thinking Fast and Slow," you'll reach a smarter conclusion if everyone expresses their views at the outset, before anyone has spoken. Otherwise, those who speak first will have too much influence.
Finally, have two women present. An executive at Google GOOG +1.48% tipped me off to a 2010 study from researchers at Carnegie Mellon and MIT that showed that groups with a higher proportion of females make more effective decision. Studies of corporate boards and federal judges concur. Groups with more women are more sensitive to others and reach compromise more quickly.
A key finding of positive psychology is that happiness depends in large measure on relationships. Our families are our primary relationships, yet we spend almost no time trying to improve them. As Eleanor Starr told me in Idaho, "You have your job, you work on that. Your have your garden, your hobbies, you work on those. Your family requires just as much work, if not more."
Today, we have more knowledge than ever before to help make that work easier, much of it from America's leading organizations. The task for parents is to find time to implement it. As Harvard psychologist Tal Ben-Shahar wrote in his book "Happier": "There is one easy step to unhappiness—doing nothing." The opposite also holds: The easiest path to happiness is to do something. In the end, this may be the most enduring lesson of all. What's the secret to a happy family?
Try.
—This essay is adapted from Mr. Feiler's book, "The Secrets of Happy Families: Improve Your Mornings, Rethink Family Dinner, Fight Smarter, Go Out and Play, and Much More," which will be published on Feb. 19. His previous books include "The Council of Dads" and "Walking the Bible."
A version of this article appeared February 9, 2013, on page C1 in the U.S. edition of The Wall Street Journal, with the headline: FamilyInc..