Teaching Your Baby to Put Himself to Sleep

http://www.ahaparenting.com/ages-stages/babies/teaching-your-baby-to-put-himself-to-sleep

Teaching Your Baby to Put Himself to Sleep

How do you get your baby to go to sleep and sleep through the night?

She may accomplish that milestone on her own, soon.  Or she may need a little help from you to learn how to put herself to sleep.  We all need to learn how to get back to sleep when the normal rhythm of our sleep cycles takes us into a slightly wakened state during the night.

Photo: SoulfulI suggest that you begin by reading the section on Infants and Sleep, for a general framing of the issue, including my bias toward keeping infants near you during sleep. (Why this bias?  Because it gets you more sleep, and reduces the risk of SIDS for your baby.)

If you're considering Ferbering, you might want to read my biased view  on that.  Finally, I recommend that you check out Toddlers and Sleep for step by step recommendations on teaching a little one to sleep on her own.  

After all that reading, you'll have a decision to make.  Do you embark on some kind of sleep training with your baby?  Your strategy will depend on the age of your baby, and of course also on how desperate you are for some sleep.

You'll be interested to know that most babies either do not fall asleep without being held, or do not sleep all night in their own bed.  It simply isn't a "normal" thing for small humans to do, biologically speaking.

You can, however, teach babies to fall asleep themselves without leaving them to cry.  This is not an overnight process -- it can take months -- but it does work.  If you'd like to begin developing good sleep habits now, you'll want to start by breaking the association between nursing (or sucking) and falling asleep. Usually, babies find it easiest if you start by rocking them. So you can take this step-by-step:

1. Separate nursing/eating from sleep. Feed your baby when he wakes up from sleep, and again a bit later if he is awake and still hungry. But when he is just sleepy, experiment with walking or rocking him instead of feeding him. That way, he begins to learn to fall asleep without sucking. Of course, you are still using rocking or walking to get him to sleep, but that is an easier sleep association to break than sucking. PLEASE NOTE: This does NOT mean you withhold food from a hungry baby. You don't start this until your baby is several months old, nursing or eating well, and physically thriving. Infants need to eat very often, so you will often find that your infant is hungry and tired at the same time. If you walk or rock your baby and he continues to cry and protest, then he may very well be hungry as well as tired. In that case, feed him. The point here is gradually break the sucking/sleep association by helping your baby fall asleep in other ways than sucking, and you do that by offering the option. More and more often, he will indeed fall asleep. If he's hungry, he will keep crying to let you know, in which case of course you would feed him.

2. Help your little one learn to fall asleep lying still (in your arms).  Once she's used to falling asleep being rocked or walked instead of eating, the next phase is to get her to fall asleep without rocking.  So you begin with rocking, but then, before she is actually asleep, you stop rocking, and just sit holding her. If she protests, begin rocking again. Keep repeating this.  It may take 25 attempts, but eventually she will begin falling asleep even though you have stopped rocking. That’s a real victory. Do this for a week or so until she's used to it as your new routine: getting sleepy while rocking and then falling asleep in your arms while not rocking.

3. Help your little one learn to fall asleep in his bed.  The next step is to
 wait until Baby is almost asleep in the chair with you holding him, then stand and hold him still in your arms in his sleeping position (on his back) until he is almost asleep and accepts the stillness. If he protests, rock him in your arms as he falls asleep while you’re standing.  Again, do this for a week until he is used to this routine. Next step is to begin lowering him into the crib or bed still awake although almost asleep.  When he protests, pick him up again in the rocking position and rock a little, then stop.  Keep repeating this.  It may take 25 attempts, but eventually he will let you put him in the bed without protest. Now you are almost home. 

4. Touch instead of holding, in her bed. Eventually, you will be able to put your baby in the crib and hold her there while she falls asleep, because she will not need rocking any more.  Then you move to touching, but not holding, your baby, while she falls asleep in the crib. Eventually, she will be able to fall asleep with you simply holding her hand, or putting your hand on her forehead. Keep doing this until she accepts it as your new routine -- getting sleepy rocking, but then being put into her bed lying on her back and falling asleep there, eventually without you even touching her. Guess what? You now have a baby who can be put down in the crib awake, and who will fall asleep on her own!

Recommended Resources:

 I highly recommend Elizabeth Pantley's No Cry Sleep Solution.

Nap time charting - excellent format and easy to understand!

http://www.mybabysleepguide.com/2013/02/average-sleep-charts-by-age.html?m=1

Partial Wakening

http://www.mybabysleepguide.com/2009/02/partial-awakenings-facts.html?m=1

Nap Routine

http://www.mybabysleepguide.com/2009/01/sleep-routine.html?m=1

 

 Pre-Sleep Routine

The sooner a pre-sleep routine is started (I recommend it even with newborns), the less likely there will be problems trying to settle your child.

Nap Routine
A winding down period before a nap is a must for all children. For babies under 6 months of age it may be a good idea not to play with them or stimulate them 15-20 minutes prior to a nap. You can also use calm activities or special "wind down" toys that are less stimulating shortly before a nap.

During the wind down period you want to avoid as much stimulation as possible to help your baby calm down prior to sleep. Particularly as your baby gets older, talking and eye contact will become more and more distracting and make it difficult for your baby to settle so these things are good to avoid. Some babies may even need to have their eyes covered or their faces snuggled into your shoulder before nap times.

 Some older children will benefit from calm activities before nap time for as long as they have a nap.

Gina Ford recommends not cuddling with a baby too much during awake time or else baby won't be settled with cuddles before nap time. What I do is similar to this but not so extreme.  I try to have baby play by himself for at least a few minutes before a nap. Then when I pick him up to get him ready for bed he's extra snuggly and happy to be in my arms. I still cuddle him most of the time he is up though.

Bedtime Routine
At bedtime try not to make things too complicated and do not rush things because children can sense when things are rushed. Plan at least 30-60 minutes if bath and bottle are included and 5-15 minutes if these things aren't included. Ferber recommends having the final part of the routine take place in the child's room so that he has a positive association with going to sleep. This quote from Ferber sums up my thoughts pretty well on this subject. Just remember that what you do now will create habits that you'll have to live with or deal with (change) later on.

"Although I do believe some bedtime rituals are better than others, there are few absolute rules regarding sleep behavior. If your routine is working -- if you and your child are happy with it, if he falls asleep easily and night wakings are infrequent, if he is getting enough sleep, and if his daytime behavior is appropriate --then whatever you are doing is probably fine."

Here are some ideas of things that you can include in your routine. What you choose to do depends on you, your child and your child's age:

• Decreased stimulation (lights, handling, playing, noise)
• Darkness (serves as a time cue) and a quiet bedroom
• Bath (make sure baby is not too tired or hungry beforehand)
• Massage
• Dress for sleep
• Swaddle (especially under 6 weeks d/t moro reflex)
• Lullaby, singing or humming
• Favorite words, sounds, or phrases- be consistent
• Give reassurances or praises for things during the day
• Read a book (avoid scary ones and new ones). I encourage (even beg you) you to include this as part of your routine. It'll be something your child remembers forever.
• Talk with child about his day
• Bottle or Breast (I generally suggests against feeding to sleep, particularly for naps, since it can create hard to break habits and sleep problems)
• Transitional object or Lovey
• A certain number of hugs, kisses or any other special thing you do with your child
• The Baby Whisperer's "Four S" wind down ritual
• Offer a pacifier
• With a young baby I will sometimes swaddle them and then walk around with them in a light environment for 30-90 seconds to help them relax. I will then go into the room and continue with the rest of the routine. This is especially helpful for babies that start to go a little berserk the second they sense they are being put to bed because they want to stay up and play. And no, I don't think this is a sleep prop issue . You are only doing it for a minute (compared to 20 minutes), and you are not doing it until your child falls asleep.
• I may also carry baby in a baby carrier for several minutes before sleep to calm and soothe her.

A Few Additional Tips

• Keep it simple.
• Make it enjoyable so your child will look forward to it.
• Make it transferable so you can do it anywhere.
• Have a reasonable length (decided by you and not your child).
• Be consistent.
• Be aware that a baby that is overtired or overstimulated is going to need a longer wind down time.
• Do not give into your child. For example, don't keep giving in to more books or "just one more song" or you may end up singing or reading endlessly each night.
• When age appropriate, you may want to give your child a warning (e.g. "2 minutes until bed") as the routine is nearing its end.
• If your child has trouble transitioning to getting ready to bed, you might want to make the first pre-bedtime activity something that he looks forward to, like taking a bath.
• Vary who puts baby down to sleep so you aren't stuck with only one person that can do it.
• Vary sleep location occasionally.
• Skipping the routine because you are in a hurry or your child is going to bed late often doesn't work well because your child may take twice as long to fall asleep.
• As your child gets used to the routine and going to sleep on his own, make sure to put him down less and less drowsy. A child that only knows how to go to sleep from a drowsy state may not be able to put himself back to sleep when he wakes in the night or prematurely from a nap.

What I do, in case you were wondering:
First off, I have tried to have my husband put my son to sleep every so often since he was a newborn. I have also had other people put him to sleep when they were around. He has never had a problem being put to sleep by different people, and I think this has a lot to do with why.

We do almost the same thing for naptime and bedtime. We start off by going into his room and dimming the lights and shutting the door behind us. We then sit down and read a set number of books together. He started taking forever with some books because he started to go forward through the book as well as backwards so I made a rule that he could only go forward through a book at sleep times. This fixed the problem. Next we turn off the lights and hold him and his blanket over our shoulder while we sing then hum a song to him. I then put him in his bed with his blanket, tell him that it is time to sleep, that I love him and that I will see him when he wakes up. I then start humming the same song again as I leave the room and shut the door behind me.

When my son Joshua was a baby, variations from this routine would disrupt him. Now that he is two we still do the same routine, but if for some reason it is done differently, or not at all, it doesn't matter. He still goes to sleep without any problems. It wasn't always this effortless, but hard work and consistency has definitely paid off!

Great article from My Baby Sleep Guide "Why is my baby taking short naps? "

http://www.mybabysleepguide.com/2009/02/waking-early-from-naps.html?m=1

Why is my baby taking short naps?

Ahhhh, short naps. Every parent's dream. They visit many and they visit often. And they are as obnoxious as anything....especially if you have just spend the last hour trying to get baby to go to sleep! Am I right?

Short naps, sometimes called the 45 minute intruder due to their length, are especially difficult if you are trying to establish a routine or if you find your child is constantly waking up unhappy (a common sign that she hasn't had enough sleep).

Here are some possible reasons that your baby may be waking early from naps. Not all children will extend their naps (it is a genetic thing), but it is worth a shot!

•  Your child is overtired. The waketime length may have been too long before his nap. Overtired children often sleep for less time and have a harder time making it through a sleep transition. Overtiredness is very common and is more likely to be the problem with the morning nap and babies under 2-3 months of age. It isn't uncommon for a baby to wake up 15-30 minutes into a nap if he is overtired.
• Your child is hungry. He could not have eaten as much as he usually eats when he last ate (e.g. he was too sleepy, he didn't feel well) or he could be in a growth spurt.
• Your child was overstimulated before nap time. Were you out and about doing a bunch of new things that may have overwhelmed your baby and been a little too much for him? You may want to try an extra long, soothing pre-naptime routine.
• Your child has a disrupted sleep routine. A disrupted routine could include something that happened the current day or the even the night or day before. While some children don't mind a few disruptions, other children are very affected by them.
• Your child has an inconsistent or nonexistent routine. A child that has an inconsistent or nonexistent routine does not have consistent internal rhythms to help him know when he should be sleeping and for how long. See Why have a schedule/routine?
• Your child has a hard time transitioning from light to deep sleep. This is very common with overtired babies and babies that are unable to initially go to sleep on their own (see sleep props/associations--pacifiers, feeding to sleep etc.), but is still very common among babies that are able to initially go to sleep on their own. An awakening would happen around 35-50 minutes (and lengthens to 90 minutes by the time they reach adolescence) which is how long the first sleep cycle typically lasts. Short naps due to these awakenings often (but not always) start around 2-3 months of age as the sleep cycle changes (see understanding sleep stages). See Sleep Training in the blog index and the post extending a short nap for ideas on how to get your baby to sleep longer for naps (this can be used for babies of any age depending on what method you are using and what your personal preferences are).
• Something woke your child up like a loud neighbor or traffic (see Sound And Its Effect On Sleep). If this is the case then try to keep things quiet during your babies nap periods, especially as he goes through sleep transitions. You may also want to consider getting a sound machine.
• Ford believes that one of the most common causes of short naps is a light room (see Light And Dark And Their Effects on Sleep). I have found this to be true for many children.
• Your child is under tired and/or under stimulated. Some babies will wake up early from a nap if they are put to sleep too early or have too little stimulation or physical activity before the nap (e.g. you do errands all day and your child never has the chance to move around). Most of the time in this is not the case with newborns.
• Your child is getting too much day time sleep or night time sleep. This goes along with the last comment. Add up your child's daytime sleep and see how it compares to the average daily sleep (see Daytime Sleep - What's Average?).  See how your child's night time sleep (see Night Time Sleep - What's Average?) compares with the average night sleep. Even if children seem to need sleep at these times and sleep well, they still sometimes need to be weaned a bit from sleep during the day or night so it can be redistributed elsewhere. See Total Sleep - What's Average?
• Your child is newly aware of his environment. This often causes nap disruption for several days around 3-4 months of age. Double check to make sure there is a good sleep environment (noise, light etc)
• Your baby was transitioning from one sleep stage to the next and made a sound and you thought baby was done napping before he actually was. Make sure you allow a few minutes to see if baby will go back to sleep before rushing in or automatically assuming a nap has gone shorter than expected.
• Your child is learning a new skill. Children practice new skills (even when they can't quite do the skills yet) before they fall asleep and even in their sleep. Obviously if you're trying to crawl or walk when you should be sleeping it can cause some disruptions :)
• Your child is uncomfortable.
• Is his clothing itchy?
• Does he have eczema? Talk to your doctor about getting something to help if lotion doesn't fix the problem.
• Is his mattress uncomfortable? I suggest buying the best mattress you can afford and preferably a hypoallergenic one. If you are using a pack 'n play as a crib you can buy padded sheets and even put additional blankets for padding under the sheets (make sure it is SAFE).
• Is baby too hot or too cold? See Getting the Right Temperature.
• Is he in pain? **Does your young baby have gas? Gas is more likely to be the case if he wakes up around 20-30 minutes into a nap. If you think this is the case, burp your baby, help him calm down and then set him down to try and sleep again. **Is an older baby teething? **Is baby sick? **Does baby have acid reflux? **Does he have a diaper rash? ** I've noticed that some things that don't bother my son too much when he's awake (like teething) will be a bit more bothersome when he is trying to sleep since he doesn't have other things to take his mind off of the pain. You can all probably relate with this when you're trying to go to sleep and you notice your sore neck or back for the first time.
• Does he have a wet diaper? Some children are more sensitive than others and do better with diapers that are extra absorptive like huggies supreme. These unfortunately usually cost more. I would first try the next size up to see if this works.
• Does he have a dirty diaper? If he has a dirty diaper you obviously need to change it. Keeping with the eat/activity/sleep routine usually helps reduce dirty diapers during naps. For more on this, check out the post on poop and sleep.
• Is his tummy upset from something in mom's diet if she is breastfeeding or new solid foods that have been introduced? If your baby is formula fed he may be constipated (uncommon with breastfeeding).

• Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child states that until 21 months of age, some babies appear to take short naps no matter what you do. Your child, unfortunately, could be one of these babies. But don't just assume you've got one of these short nappers until you've considered possible causes and have consistently tried some suggestions on the post Extending a Short Nap. Many babies seem to start taking longer naps around 4-6 months either by themselves or with a little sleep training.
• If your child wakes up happy from his naps, sleeps well at night and is happy during his awake times then it's possible he doesn't need longer naps. Since more than a short nap is usually needed, I would personally be sure to rule out other things on this list before assuming he only needs a short nap.
• Is your baby taking SUPER SHORT NAPS? As in 15-30 minutes (or something like that).  Here are some of the more common reasons for this:

• Pain. Does he have gas? Reflux?
• Overtiredness. What was his waketime before the nap? Has he had previous bad naps that day? Is he always missing naps and chronically overtired?
• Active sleep environment. Some babies do not sleep well if there is a lot of light, sound or movement (you are holding them and moving etc) when they are trying to sleep.
• Change in sleep environment. Did you hold or feed baby to sleep and he woke shortly after putting him down? Did you stop the car ride or turn off the swing? Some babies are very good at noticing the difference in how things feel the second, or several minutes after, you put them down or stop the movement.

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