How to give your child a rich life-- without raising entitled kids.

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How to give your child a rich life--
without raising entitled kids.

“Our offspring have simply leveraged our good intentions and over-investment...They inhabit a broad savannah of entitlement that we’ve watered, landscaped, and hired gardeners to maintain.”- Sally Koslow

"I think I want my daughter to have some sense of entitlement... We were raised that we don't deserve anything, including respect.... This happens every generation, the same spoiled children story....I'm sure the first generation of kids to wear shoes or go to school were also considered spoiled and entitled. I say we break the cycle of calling the younger generation names." - Kara

We all want to raise kids who know how to work hard to create what they want in the world. Nobody wants to raise a child who thinks the world owes him, who feels like he’s entitled to take whatever he wants. But Kara is right. We also DO want to raise a child who feels deserving of the blessings of abundance—spiritual, emotional, and yes, physical—the rich life that should be the birthright of every child. How do we raise a child who feels deserving – but not “entitled”?

1. Don't feed your child's emotional hunger with possessions. Material cravings are so often a salve for the deeper need all humans share to be deeply seen, accepted, cherished. Often when we feel guilty that we aren't spending enough time with our kids, we buy them things. When your child gets demanding, that's a red flag to stop, drop your busy-ness, and get clear about your priorities. What can you do with your child today to simply enjoy her? How can you set up rituals in your week to spend more time connecting? As the old saying goes, children thrive when you give them half as many presents and twice as much of your presence.

2. Empower kids to create their own abundance. Too often, out of our own anxiety about money, we shame children when they “want” material things. But the opposite response of giving kids everything they ask for also teaches the wrong lessons. There is a better way—we can empower our child. Consider these three approaches to your child in the toy store when you’re buying a present for her cousin’s birthday.

“Don’t even start asking…you know better than that! Don’t you ever get enough? Do you think money grows on trees? You don’t even take care of the things you have!” 

This approach teaches your child that he doesn't deserve (of course he's deserving), that he's greedy for wanting things (all of us want things, all the time) that his parents can't afford the things he wants (which can lead to a sense of deprivation), and that he is powerless to get what he wants in life (which makes him feel resentful; all those riches lined up on the shelves are for other people but not for him.) The result? Something that looks a lot like entitlement, or at least looking out for number one.

“I hear you, I hear you—you really want it!….How much is it?....Well…..I guess so…Do you promise you’ll be a good girl all week and really listen?”

This is bribing your child to cooperate, which always digs you into a hole. But what's worse is that if we just hand our kids everything they want on a material level, it creates the expectation that they'll be handed whatever they want in life, especially if they make a fuss, and promises they can’t necessarily keep. She'll feel great for the moment, since our brains give us a hit of dopamine every time we chase, conquer, acquire. But that purchase will quickly lose its luster and she'll be craving the next thing. That addicts her to purchasing things (or manipulating others to purchase things for her) as a way to feel good, and it gets her into the habit of acquiring more, more, more without feeling gratitude for what she has, both material and non-material.

“You really want that, I hear you…Wow, that is cool, isn’t it?...It’s not in our plan for today“ (In other words, this is not about a poverty mentality. It's about priorities) "...I’m sorry, I see how much you like it…Do you want me to put it on your birthday list?...You’re right, your birthday is a long way off….But if you still want it, you can have it then….And you know, if you really want it sooner, you can earn the money…Sure, I can think of some odd jobs that aren’t part of your normal chores...And you're getting old enough that you could walk the dog for Mrs. Jennings, or shovel the snow this winter around the neighborhood.”

This child feels empowered. If she really wants this item, she can get it—either now or later. She’s learned that anything she wants is possible, with enough hard work.

3. Empower your child by giving her the chance to learn the value of hard work. Remember the days when kids did odd jobs all summer to earn money for a bike?  Those kids knew the worth of a nickel, took care of their bikes, and felt enormously empowered.  They knew they could realize their dreams by working hard. I'm not saying you can't buy a new bike just because your child outgrew her old one, but all children need to learn that if they work hard at things, they can make their dreams come true. They learn more from earning than from just being handed things. And the pursuit of a goal is rewarding in itself.

4. Help your child learn how to hold a job. Earning money at home is one thing, but there's nothing as educational as working for someone outside the family for pay, which teaches real responsibility in the real world.  Start when your eight year old wants something badly and her birthday's still far off, by paying her to do tasks you wouldn’t normally expect of her (washing the car, weeding the garden). But over time, be sure this expands to odd jobs in the neighborhood (walk the neighbor’s dog or offer snow shoveling service in the winter), then to mother’s helper/babysitting jobs when it’s age appropriate, and finally to after-school or summer jobs. Even if your family has plenty and never needs your teenager to work, every teen should learn by experience what it takes to earn a dollar.

5. Role Model. Children won't always do what you say, but they'll always, eventually, do what you do.  If you shop for relaxation or fun, so will your child.  If you "must have" the latest tech toy, your child will follow in your footsteps. If you express gratitude for everything you have, so will your child. 

6. Hold your child accountable for damaged goods. If kids help pay for lost library books and cell phones, windows broken by their baseball, or tools they've left out to rust from their own savings, they learn a valuable lesson about valuing what they have, rather than assuming someone else will simply "buy another."  Of course, you stay clear about priorities -- your child is always more important than that thing he broke. And you never have to be mean about it. You just expect your child to help make things right.

7. Counteract the message that happiness can be bought. As parents, we need to remember that we aren't the only ones teaching our children about life. TV is a very effective teacher, and if it has your child's ear, it has a direct line to her brain.  Studies show that most adults say they're not affected by TV ads, but in fact those ads influence them deeply. Imagine how much more true that is for children, who get the constant media message that the goal of life is more money and more things. Ultimately, what we model and what we tell our children will matter more, but we need to confront those destructive messages directly, and when possible keep them from reaching our kids.

8. Help your child wire his brain for a different kind of reward. Recognize that buying is an addiction, given that dopamine is released when we get what we pursue.  It isn't wanting that gets us into trouble, it's WHAT we want and pursue.  Material things don't satisfy our hunting urge for more than a day or so before we crave more.  So notice what you pursue, and help your child discover the emotional rewards of other kinds of chases besides shopping and acquisition. No, he can’t hunt a mastadon, but how about the pursuit of mastery, with something he’s passionate about?  A child who loves playing basketball, cooking, writing, music—any passion—practices it, builds resilience, and along the way wires his brain to find fulfillment in a different kind of chase. This is the kind of reward that lasts.

9. Educate yourself. You aren't raising your child in a vacuum. Our culture is centered around consumption -- accumulating more and more stuff.  You and your kids are surrounded by messages that buying stuff will make your life better, and  it's so hard not to respond to that drumbeat. I highly recommend the short video "The Story of Stuff" which will make you laugh, change the way you look at things, and maybe change the way your family lives.

Notice a thread here?  If kids today feel entitled, it's not because they're "bad." It's because we're raising them in a culture of entitlement, one that values acquiring stuff over developing our unique gifts to contribute to the world, and even over being a good human being.  It's because when they want connection and validation, we give them stuff. To help kids change, we have to examine our own lives and assumptions.

The good news is that these practices do work to raise kids who aren't "entitled."  What's more, they make your life better. Because when we take the emphasis off stuff, we shift it to where it belongs:  Connecting and contributing, which create lasting, rather than momentary, happiness.

This article is part of the series Are Kids Today Spoiled and Undisciplined?

Choose love!
Dr. Laura

Nap time charting - excellent format and easy to understand!

http://www.mybabysleepguide.com/2013/02/average-sleep-charts-by-age.html?m=1

Partial Wakening

http://www.mybabysleepguide.com/2009/02/partial-awakenings-facts.html?m=1

Nap Routine

http://www.mybabysleepguide.com/2009/01/sleep-routine.html?m=1

 

 Pre-Sleep Routine

The sooner a pre-sleep routine is started (I recommend it even with newborns), the less likely there will be problems trying to settle your child.

Nap Routine
A winding down period before a nap is a must for all children. For babies under 6 months of age it may be a good idea not to play with them or stimulate them 15-20 minutes prior to a nap. You can also use calm activities or special "wind down" toys that are less stimulating shortly before a nap.

During the wind down period you want to avoid as much stimulation as possible to help your baby calm down prior to sleep. Particularly as your baby gets older, talking and eye contact will become more and more distracting and make it difficult for your baby to settle so these things are good to avoid. Some babies may even need to have their eyes covered or their faces snuggled into your shoulder before nap times.

 Some older children will benefit from calm activities before nap time for as long as they have a nap.

Gina Ford recommends not cuddling with a baby too much during awake time or else baby won't be settled with cuddles before nap time. What I do is similar to this but not so extreme.  I try to have baby play by himself for at least a few minutes before a nap. Then when I pick him up to get him ready for bed he's extra snuggly and happy to be in my arms. I still cuddle him most of the time he is up though.

Bedtime Routine
At bedtime try not to make things too complicated and do not rush things because children can sense when things are rushed. Plan at least 30-60 minutes if bath and bottle are included and 5-15 minutes if these things aren't included. Ferber recommends having the final part of the routine take place in the child's room so that he has a positive association with going to sleep. This quote from Ferber sums up my thoughts pretty well on this subject. Just remember that what you do now will create habits that you'll have to live with or deal with (change) later on.

"Although I do believe some bedtime rituals are better than others, there are few absolute rules regarding sleep behavior. If your routine is working -- if you and your child are happy with it, if he falls asleep easily and night wakings are infrequent, if he is getting enough sleep, and if his daytime behavior is appropriate --then whatever you are doing is probably fine."

Here are some ideas of things that you can include in your routine. What you choose to do depends on you, your child and your child's age:

• Decreased stimulation (lights, handling, playing, noise)
• Darkness (serves as a time cue) and a quiet bedroom
• Bath (make sure baby is not too tired or hungry beforehand)
• Massage
• Dress for sleep
• Swaddle (especially under 6 weeks d/t moro reflex)
• Lullaby, singing or humming
• Favorite words, sounds, or phrases- be consistent
• Give reassurances or praises for things during the day
• Read a book (avoid scary ones and new ones). I encourage (even beg you) you to include this as part of your routine. It'll be something your child remembers forever.
• Talk with child about his day
• Bottle or Breast (I generally suggests against feeding to sleep, particularly for naps, since it can create hard to break habits and sleep problems)
• Transitional object or Lovey
• A certain number of hugs, kisses or any other special thing you do with your child
• The Baby Whisperer's "Four S" wind down ritual
• Offer a pacifier
• With a young baby I will sometimes swaddle them and then walk around with them in a light environment for 30-90 seconds to help them relax. I will then go into the room and continue with the rest of the routine. This is especially helpful for babies that start to go a little berserk the second they sense they are being put to bed because they want to stay up and play. And no, I don't think this is a sleep prop issue . You are only doing it for a minute (compared to 20 minutes), and you are not doing it until your child falls asleep.
• I may also carry baby in a baby carrier for several minutes before sleep to calm and soothe her.

A Few Additional Tips

• Keep it simple.
• Make it enjoyable so your child will look forward to it.
• Make it transferable so you can do it anywhere.
• Have a reasonable length (decided by you and not your child).
• Be consistent.
• Be aware that a baby that is overtired or overstimulated is going to need a longer wind down time.
• Do not give into your child. For example, don't keep giving in to more books or "just one more song" or you may end up singing or reading endlessly each night.
• When age appropriate, you may want to give your child a warning (e.g. "2 minutes until bed") as the routine is nearing its end.
• If your child has trouble transitioning to getting ready to bed, you might want to make the first pre-bedtime activity something that he looks forward to, like taking a bath.
• Vary who puts baby down to sleep so you aren't stuck with only one person that can do it.
• Vary sleep location occasionally.
• Skipping the routine because you are in a hurry or your child is going to bed late often doesn't work well because your child may take twice as long to fall asleep.
• As your child gets used to the routine and going to sleep on his own, make sure to put him down less and less drowsy. A child that only knows how to go to sleep from a drowsy state may not be able to put himself back to sleep when he wakes in the night or prematurely from a nap.

What I do, in case you were wondering:
First off, I have tried to have my husband put my son to sleep every so often since he was a newborn. I have also had other people put him to sleep when they were around. He has never had a problem being put to sleep by different people, and I think this has a lot to do with why.

We do almost the same thing for naptime and bedtime. We start off by going into his room and dimming the lights and shutting the door behind us. We then sit down and read a set number of books together. He started taking forever with some books because he started to go forward through the book as well as backwards so I made a rule that he could only go forward through a book at sleep times. This fixed the problem. Next we turn off the lights and hold him and his blanket over our shoulder while we sing then hum a song to him. I then put him in his bed with his blanket, tell him that it is time to sleep, that I love him and that I will see him when he wakes up. I then start humming the same song again as I leave the room and shut the door behind me.

When my son Joshua was a baby, variations from this routine would disrupt him. Now that he is two we still do the same routine, but if for some reason it is done differently, or not at all, it doesn't matter. He still goes to sleep without any problems. It wasn't always this effortless, but hard work and consistency has definitely paid off!

Great article from My Baby Sleep Guide "Why is my baby taking short naps? "

http://www.mybabysleepguide.com/2009/02/waking-early-from-naps.html?m=1

Why is my baby taking short naps?

Ahhhh, short naps. Every parent's dream. They visit many and they visit often. And they are as obnoxious as anything....especially if you have just spend the last hour trying to get baby to go to sleep! Am I right?

Short naps, sometimes called the 45 minute intruder due to their length, are especially difficult if you are trying to establish a routine or if you find your child is constantly waking up unhappy (a common sign that she hasn't had enough sleep).

Here are some possible reasons that your baby may be waking early from naps. Not all children will extend their naps (it is a genetic thing), but it is worth a shot!

•  Your child is overtired. The waketime length may have been too long before his nap. Overtired children often sleep for less time and have a harder time making it through a sleep transition. Overtiredness is very common and is more likely to be the problem with the morning nap and babies under 2-3 months of age. It isn't uncommon for a baby to wake up 15-30 minutes into a nap if he is overtired.
• Your child is hungry. He could not have eaten as much as he usually eats when he last ate (e.g. he was too sleepy, he didn't feel well) or he could be in a growth spurt.
• Your child was overstimulated before nap time. Were you out and about doing a bunch of new things that may have overwhelmed your baby and been a little too much for him? You may want to try an extra long, soothing pre-naptime routine.
• Your child has a disrupted sleep routine. A disrupted routine could include something that happened the current day or the even the night or day before. While some children don't mind a few disruptions, other children are very affected by them.
• Your child has an inconsistent or nonexistent routine. A child that has an inconsistent or nonexistent routine does not have consistent internal rhythms to help him know when he should be sleeping and for how long. See Why have a schedule/routine?
• Your child has a hard time transitioning from light to deep sleep. This is very common with overtired babies and babies that are unable to initially go to sleep on their own (see sleep props/associations--pacifiers, feeding to sleep etc.), but is still very common among babies that are able to initially go to sleep on their own. An awakening would happen around 35-50 minutes (and lengthens to 90 minutes by the time they reach adolescence) which is how long the first sleep cycle typically lasts. Short naps due to these awakenings often (but not always) start around 2-3 months of age as the sleep cycle changes (see understanding sleep stages). See Sleep Training in the blog index and the post extending a short nap for ideas on how to get your baby to sleep longer for naps (this can be used for babies of any age depending on what method you are using and what your personal preferences are).
• Something woke your child up like a loud neighbor or traffic (see Sound And Its Effect On Sleep). If this is the case then try to keep things quiet during your babies nap periods, especially as he goes through sleep transitions. You may also want to consider getting a sound machine.
• Ford believes that one of the most common causes of short naps is a light room (see Light And Dark And Their Effects on Sleep). I have found this to be true for many children.
• Your child is under tired and/or under stimulated. Some babies will wake up early from a nap if they are put to sleep too early or have too little stimulation or physical activity before the nap (e.g. you do errands all day and your child never has the chance to move around). Most of the time in this is not the case with newborns.
• Your child is getting too much day time sleep or night time sleep. This goes along with the last comment. Add up your child's daytime sleep and see how it compares to the average daily sleep (see Daytime Sleep - What's Average?).  See how your child's night time sleep (see Night Time Sleep - What's Average?) compares with the average night sleep. Even if children seem to need sleep at these times and sleep well, they still sometimes need to be weaned a bit from sleep during the day or night so it can be redistributed elsewhere. See Total Sleep - What's Average?
• Your child is newly aware of his environment. This often causes nap disruption for several days around 3-4 months of age. Double check to make sure there is a good sleep environment (noise, light etc)
• Your baby was transitioning from one sleep stage to the next and made a sound and you thought baby was done napping before he actually was. Make sure you allow a few minutes to see if baby will go back to sleep before rushing in or automatically assuming a nap has gone shorter than expected.
• Your child is learning a new skill. Children practice new skills (even when they can't quite do the skills yet) before they fall asleep and even in their sleep. Obviously if you're trying to crawl or walk when you should be sleeping it can cause some disruptions :)
• Your child is uncomfortable.
• Is his clothing itchy?
• Does he have eczema? Talk to your doctor about getting something to help if lotion doesn't fix the problem.
• Is his mattress uncomfortable? I suggest buying the best mattress you can afford and preferably a hypoallergenic one. If you are using a pack 'n play as a crib you can buy padded sheets and even put additional blankets for padding under the sheets (make sure it is SAFE).
• Is baby too hot or too cold? See Getting the Right Temperature.
• Is he in pain? **Does your young baby have gas? Gas is more likely to be the case if he wakes up around 20-30 minutes into a nap. If you think this is the case, burp your baby, help him calm down and then set him down to try and sleep again. **Is an older baby teething? **Is baby sick? **Does baby have acid reflux? **Does he have a diaper rash? ** I've noticed that some things that don't bother my son too much when he's awake (like teething) will be a bit more bothersome when he is trying to sleep since he doesn't have other things to take his mind off of the pain. You can all probably relate with this when you're trying to go to sleep and you notice your sore neck or back for the first time.
• Does he have a wet diaper? Some children are more sensitive than others and do better with diapers that are extra absorptive like huggies supreme. These unfortunately usually cost more. I would first try the next size up to see if this works.
• Does he have a dirty diaper? If he has a dirty diaper you obviously need to change it. Keeping with the eat/activity/sleep routine usually helps reduce dirty diapers during naps. For more on this, check out the post on poop and sleep.
• Is his tummy upset from something in mom's diet if she is breastfeeding or new solid foods that have been introduced? If your baby is formula fed he may be constipated (uncommon with breastfeeding).

• Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child states that until 21 months of age, some babies appear to take short naps no matter what you do. Your child, unfortunately, could be one of these babies. But don't just assume you've got one of these short nappers until you've considered possible causes and have consistently tried some suggestions on the post Extending a Short Nap. Many babies seem to start taking longer naps around 4-6 months either by themselves or with a little sleep training.
• If your child wakes up happy from his naps, sleeps well at night and is happy during his awake times then it's possible he doesn't need longer naps. Since more than a short nap is usually needed, I would personally be sure to rule out other things on this list before assuming he only needs a short nap.
• Is your baby taking SUPER SHORT NAPS? As in 15-30 minutes (or something like that).  Here are some of the more common reasons for this:

• Pain. Does he have gas? Reflux?
• Overtiredness. What was his waketime before the nap? Has he had previous bad naps that day? Is he always missing naps and chronically overtired?
• Active sleep environment. Some babies do not sleep well if there is a lot of light, sound or movement (you are holding them and moving etc) when they are trying to sleep.
• Change in sleep environment. Did you hold or feed baby to sleep and he woke shortly after putting him down? Did you stop the car ride or turn off the swing? Some babies are very good at noticing the difference in how things feel the second, or several minutes after, you put them down or stop the movement.

If this post has been helpful for you, please consider following me on facebook, twitter or subscribing to my posts through email or a reader. Thanks!

 

 

http://mariovittone.com/2010/05/154/

Drowning Doesn’t Look Like Drowning

by Mario on May 3, 2010

The new captain jumped from the deck, fully dressed, and sprinted through the water. A former lifeguard, he kept his eyes on his victim as he headed straight for the couple swimming between their anchored sportfisher and the beach. “I think he thinks you’re drowning,” the husband said to his wife. They had been splashing each other and she had screamed but now they were just standing, neck-deep on the sand bar. “We’re fine, what is he doing?” she asked, a little annoyed. “We’re fine!” the husband yelled, waving him off, but his captain kept swimming hard. ”Move!” he barked as he sprinted between the stunned owners. Directly behind them, not ten feet away, their nine-year-old daughter was drowning. Safely above the surface in the arms of the captain, she burst into tears, “Daddy!”

How did this captain know – from fifty feet away – what the father couldn’t recognize from just ten? Drowning is not the violent, splashing, call for help that most people expect. The captain was trained to recognize drowning by experts and years of experience. The father, on the other hand, had learned what drowning looks like by watching television. If you spend time on or near the water (hint: that’s all of us) then you should make sure that you and your crew knows what to look for whenever people enter the water. Until she cried a tearful, “Daddy,” she hadn’t made a sound. As a former Coast Guard rescue swimmer, I wasn’t surprised at all by this story. Drowning is almost always a deceptively quiet event. The waving, splashing, and yelling that dramatic conditioning (television) prepares us to look for, is rarely seen in real life.

The Instinctive Drowning Response – so named by Francesco A. Pia, Ph.D., is what people do to avoid actual or perceived suffocation in the water. And it does not look like most people expect. There is very little splashing, no waving, and no yelling or calls for help of any kind. To get an idea of just how quiet and undramatic from the surface drowning can be, consider this: It is the number two cause of accidental death in children, age 15 and under (just behind vehicle accidents) – of the approximately 750 children who will drown next year, about 375 of them will do so within 25 yards of a parent or other adult. In ten percent of those drownings, the adult will actually watch them do it, having no idea it is happening. Drowning does not look like drowning – Dr. Pia, in an article in the Coast Guard’s On Scene Magazine, described the instinctive drowning response like this:

1. Except in rare circumstances, drowning people are physiologically unable to call out for help. The respiratory system was designed for breathing. Speech is the secondary or overlaid function. Breathing must be fulfilled, before speech occurs.
2. Drowning people’s mouths alternately sink below and reappear above the surface of the water. The mouths of drowning people are not above the surface of the water long enough for them to exhale, inhale, and call out for help. When the drowning people’s mouths are above the surface, they exhale and inhale quickly as their mouths start to sink below the surface of the water.
3. Drowning people cannot wave for help. Nature instinctively forces them to extend their arms laterally and press down on the water’s surface. Pressing down on the surface of the water, permits drowning people to leverage their bodies so they can lift their mouths out of the water to breathe.
4. Throughout the Instinctive Drowning Response, drowning people cannot voluntarily control their arm movements. Physiologically, drowning people who are struggling on the surface of the water cannot stop drowning and perform voluntary movements such as waving for help, moving toward a rescuer, or reaching out for a piece of rescue equipment.
5. From beginning to end of the Instinctive Drowning Response people’s bodies remain upright in the water, with no evidence of a supporting kick. Unless rescued by a trained lifeguard, these drowning people can only struggle on the surface of the water from 20 to 60 seconds before submersion occurs.

(Source: On Scene Magazine: Fall 2006 (page 14))

This doesn’t mean that a person that is yelling for help and thrashing isn’t in real trouble – they are experiencing aquatic distress. Not always present before the instinctive drowning response, aquatic distress doesn’t last long – but unlike true drowning, these victims can still assist in their own rescue. They can grab lifelines, throw rings, etc.
Look for these other signs of drowning when persons are in the water:

• Head low in the water, mouth at water level
• Head tilted back with mouth open
• Eyes glassy and empty, unable to focus
• Eyes closed
• Hair over forehead or eyes
• Not using legs – Vertical
• Hyperventilating or gasping
• Trying to swim in a particular direction but not making headway
• Trying to roll over on the back
• Appear to be climbing an invisible ladder.

So if a crew member falls overboard and everything looks OK – don’t be too sure. Sometimes the most common indication that someone is drowning is that they don’t look like they’re drowning. They may just look like they are treading water and looking up at the deck. One way to be sure? Ask them, “Are you alright?” If they can answer at all – they probably are. If they return a blank stare, you may have less than 30 seconds to get to them. And parents – children playing in the water make noise. When they get quiet, you get to them and find out why.
(See a video of the Instinctive Drowning Response)
Next – READ THIS
(Download an interview on the instinctive drowning response with myself and Francesco Pia)

How Not to Talk to Your Kids

They underrate the importance of effort, and they overrate how much help they need from a parent.

http://nymag.com/news/features/27840/

How Not to Talk to Your Kids

The inverse power of praise.

• 214 Comments

• By Po Bronson
• Published Aug 3, 2007

(Photo: Phillip Toledano; styling by Marie Blomquist for I Group; prop styling by Anne Koch; hair by Kristan Serafino for L'Oreal Professionnel; makeup by Viktorija Bowers for City Artists; clothing by Petit Bateau [shirt and pants])

What do we make of a boy like Thomas?
Thomas (his middle name) is a fifth-grader at the highly competitive P.S. 334, the Anderson School on West 84th. Slim as they get, Thomas recently had his long sandy-blond hair cut short to look like the new James Bond (he took a photo of Daniel Craig to the barber). Unlike Bond, he prefers a uniform of cargo pants and a T-shirt emblazoned with a photo of one of his heroes: Frank Zappa. Thomas hangs out with five friends from the Anderson School. They are “the smart kids.” Thomas’s one of them, and he likes belonging.
Since Thomas could walk, he has heard constantly that he’s smart. Not just from his parents but from any adult who has come in contact with this precocious child. When he applied to Anderson for kindergarten, his intelligence was statistically confirmed. The school is reserved for the top one percent of all applicants, and an IQ test is required. Thomas didn’t just score in the top one percent. He scored in the top one percent of the top one percent.
But as Thomas has progressed through school, this self-awareness that he’s smart hasn’t always translated into fearless confidence when attacking his schoolwork. http://nymag.com/news/features/27840/