Teaching Your Baby to Put Himself to Sleep

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Teaching Your Baby to Put Himself to Sleep

How do you get your baby to go to sleep and sleep through the night?

She may accomplish that milestone on her own, soon.  Or she may need a little help from you to learn how to put herself to sleep.  We all need to learn how to get back to sleep when the normal rhythm of our sleep cycles takes us into a slightly wakened state during the night.

Photo: SoulfulI suggest that you begin by reading the section on Infants and Sleep, for a general framing of the issue, including my bias toward keeping infants near you during sleep. (Why this bias?  Because it gets you more sleep, and reduces the risk of SIDS for your baby.)

If you're considering Ferbering, you might want to read my biased view  on that.  Finally, I recommend that you check out Toddlers and Sleep for step by step recommendations on teaching a little one to sleep on her own.  

After all that reading, you'll have a decision to make.  Do you embark on some kind of sleep training with your baby?  Your strategy will depend on the age of your baby, and of course also on how desperate you are for some sleep.

You'll be interested to know that most babies either do not fall asleep without being held, or do not sleep all night in their own bed.  It simply isn't a "normal" thing for small humans to do, biologically speaking.

You can, however, teach babies to fall asleep themselves without leaving them to cry.  This is not an overnight process -- it can take months -- but it does work.  If you'd like to begin developing good sleep habits now, you'll want to start by breaking the association between nursing (or sucking) and falling asleep. Usually, babies find it easiest if you start by rocking them. So you can take this step-by-step:

1. Separate nursing/eating from sleep. Feed your baby when he wakes up from sleep, and again a bit later if he is awake and still hungry. But when he is just sleepy, experiment with walking or rocking him instead of feeding him. That way, he begins to learn to fall asleep without sucking. Of course, you are still using rocking or walking to get him to sleep, but that is an easier sleep association to break than sucking. PLEASE NOTE: This does NOT mean you withhold food from a hungry baby. You don't start this until your baby is several months old, nursing or eating well, and physically thriving. Infants need to eat very often, so you will often find that your infant is hungry and tired at the same time. If you walk or rock your baby and he continues to cry and protest, then he may very well be hungry as well as tired. In that case, feed him. The point here is gradually break the sucking/sleep association by helping your baby fall asleep in other ways than sucking, and you do that by offering the option. More and more often, he will indeed fall asleep. If he's hungry, he will keep crying to let you know, in which case of course you would feed him.

2. Help your little one learn to fall asleep lying still (in your arms).  Once she's used to falling asleep being rocked or walked instead of eating, the next phase is to get her to fall asleep without rocking.  So you begin with rocking, but then, before she is actually asleep, you stop rocking, and just sit holding her. If she protests, begin rocking again. Keep repeating this.  It may take 25 attempts, but eventually she will begin falling asleep even though you have stopped rocking. That’s a real victory. Do this for a week or so until she's used to it as your new routine: getting sleepy while rocking and then falling asleep in your arms while not rocking.

3. Help your little one learn to fall asleep in his bed.  The next step is to
 wait until Baby is almost asleep in the chair with you holding him, then stand and hold him still in your arms in his sleeping position (on his back) until he is almost asleep and accepts the stillness. If he protests, rock him in your arms as he falls asleep while you’re standing.  Again, do this for a week until he is used to this routine. Next step is to begin lowering him into the crib or bed still awake although almost asleep.  When he protests, pick him up again in the rocking position and rock a little, then stop.  Keep repeating this.  It may take 25 attempts, but eventually he will let you put him in the bed without protest. Now you are almost home. 

4. Touch instead of holding, in her bed. Eventually, you will be able to put your baby in the crib and hold her there while she falls asleep, because she will not need rocking any more.  Then you move to touching, but not holding, your baby, while she falls asleep in the crib. Eventually, she will be able to fall asleep with you simply holding her hand, or putting your hand on her forehead. Keep doing this until she accepts it as your new routine -- getting sleepy rocking, but then being put into her bed lying on her back and falling asleep there, eventually without you even touching her. Guess what? You now have a baby who can be put down in the crib awake, and who will fall asleep on her own!

Recommended Resources:

 I highly recommend Elizabeth Pantley's No Cry Sleep Solution.