Good Job Alternative Phrases

Instead of Saying	Try Saying	Child Hears
“Look at you, you’re such a good girl.  You cleaned up all the paint by yourself.”	“You cleaned up the paint all by yourself!  That was a big task.  Thank you very much.  That was helpful.”	I am helpful.  I am capable.  I can tackle big projects and see them through to the end.  I am appreciated.
“I like it when you clean up the books.”	“You cleaned up the books all by yourself.  Thank you.  I appreciate it.”	I can make valuable contributions to our group.
“Good job!”	“You did it!  You must be proud of yourself.”	I am capable.  I can take pride in what I do.
“You drew a beautiful picture.”	“You have worked hard.  Tell me about your favorite part.”	My opinions are valuable
“I love your dress (hair, shirt, etc).”	“You picked out your clothes today.”	I am can make choices.
“You slept through the night (ate all your food, etc), what a good baby you are.”	“I love you.”	I am loved, and it’s not based on my behavior or biological drives.
“You have a stinky diaper, let’s change you.”	“You have poop in your diaper, you will feel better once you have a fresh diaper on.”	My body and my biological drives are o.k. and not something to be judged, but something to be respected.
"Stop screaming.”	“You are screaming.  You are feeling strongly right now.  Do you want my help?”	My feelings and needs are valid and important.  I can meet my needs and seek help if necessary.
“Stop crying.”	“You are crying.  You are feeling (identify the emotion).  Do you want my help?”	My emotions are valid and important.  I can regulate my emotions and seek help to soothe myself if I need to.
“Good boy/girl!”	“Thank you for…”	My worth does not depend on my behavior or others opinions of me.  I am appreciated when I contribute to “the team.”